Its true that I am not able to bring happiness to everyone but please do not deprive me from trying to make you HAPPY...............................................

Monday, December 25, 2006

the present me and the real me..

Hi.. here to blame the heaven again.. well. cant blame since here is my only personal space and i know nobody will interfere my thoughts here.. which is the only REAL me will appear.. ha.. kind of sad isnt it.. my only personal space is a cyber world.. so continue my story.. the heaven.. the so called 'god' they are just merely like to torture human.. old saying goes.. human are created by gods.. then i would want to ask that are they out of kindness to create us or just want a toys to accompany them?? we are the toys.. and we are being tortured.. what future are in our hands.. like bullshit to me now.. i cant change anythings at all.. cant!! no matter what i did. how hard i try.. what the point... its useless at all.. i just scared.. even i typing now.. i trembling.. not the power of god which can destroy me.. is the life i going to go through.. i struggled for so long.. though 'future in our hands' this sentence can be true.. now what? i expecting hopeless, tormented moment.. what wrong with me? they just dont like me or what? let me live in this world isnt your idea? so i am the 'chosen 1'? nothing really matter now... i felt tireness now.. the spirit in me are going to burst.. the madness.. the evil.. i know.. i like having second me in it.. keep thinking things i dont wish to do.. like killing my brother all these and even beating people up unreasonable.. its opposite of me at all. i can feel the hidden strength waiting to burst.. scientist said we all have hidden power.. some can be just normal.. and some can be explosive.. i might be that kind.. and i dont want to.. if really this kind of things happened.. hope is in good use.. save people out of danger all these... you know what? i just want to led a normal life.. a real normal simple life.. but i was acting want to led a extrodinary life.. its not what i want.. the life i want is just having poeple to know me.. at least know my existance.. i dont want to act up so people will know me.. i just wanna be myself.. thats what i want.. and no more acting.. haiz.. even family cant know what i thinking and what i want.. i just being accused again and again.. for trivial stuff.. for anything and they just dont know me still.. what wrong.. brother should be the 1 know me well.. but its opposite.. is i know him too well that i cant tolerant his actions and he know nothing about me or just say he know who i am only.. i like a observer which nobody know his existance in everyone.. observe people secretly and know what others thinking.. i am like that and i dare to say i know them.. but do they? i always heard this sentence.. there is always a person watching you and waiting for your smiles. ya.. thats can be happened to everyone because i am the one.. but who know the 1 who waiting.. how he feel? i always scare if there really people care about me so i always make a smile.. but now i know there no one.. so my smiles goes down and down everyday its past.. so to have people recognise me. only way is prove myself better in some way.. so i tried.. and so i became scare of mistakes.. scare the mistakes i made make them hate me or what.. and so. i always tensed in every second.. only sleeping.. and so acting became so frequent that its like my characteristic now.. but i know not.. i tried to remind myself which is my real and not. but since its so frequent that i cant even control.. now i have three acting... for family.. for secondary school friends for polytechnic friends..if this continue.. what i can do is destroy the real me.. if you say just show your real you.. i did.. its just nobody know it.. and now i only can show here.. what i think..so.. what done is done... so why i have to go through all these.. isnt me at all.. isnt me...... i have written so much.. and this might be the only post that shows my reason.. my true self.. and the only reminder which is me or not.. if ever 1 day i went evil.. maybe this helps.. nobody will look to here.. if there is.. then i might be have hope.. if there is.....

Ended the storytelling at -->3:35 AM
I am just a Fool who want to make who I cared to be happy.
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*_-_MY TRUSTED ONES_-_*

* _ - _ E V G _ - _ *
[==_ Joseph _==]
[==_ IYeu _==]
[==_ Siangyee _==]
[==_ KianWee _==]
[==_ HiuFeng _==]

* _ - _ C o l l e a g u e s _ - _ *
[==_ SiNi _==]
[==_ Justin _==]
[==_ Chariot _==]
[==_ Alan _==]
[==_ Alan2 _==]
[==_ Jack _==]
[==_ Janine _==]
[==_ Umairah _==]

* _ - _ Q i h u a _ - _ *
[==_ LiHui _==]
[==_ Aeris _==]
[==_ Tracy _==]
[==_ Genevieve _==]

* _ - _ T e m a s e k P o l y t e c h n i c _ - _*
[==_ Haikal _==]
[==_ Adriel _==]
[==_ Siti _==]

* _ - _ F a m i l i e s _ - _ *
[==_ MingYi (small bro) _==]
[==_ HweePing (Cousin) _==]
[==_ ShuLing (Cousin) _==]
[==_ Photo Blog _==]

*_-_My Own Creation Of Blog Skins_-_*

[.:: 1st skin ::.]
[.:: 2nd skin ::.]
[.:: 3rd skin ::.]
[.:: 4th skin ::.]
[.:: 5th skin ::.]
[.:: 6th skin ::.]
[.:: 7th skin ::.]
[.:: 8th skin ::.]

Name -> Hu MingFan
Age -> Going 20 this year
Occupation -> Temasek Polytechnic Student
Birth date -> 19 OCT 1988
E-mail -> humingfan@hotmail.com

Never do that on me!!!
*Being looked down
*Being judged just by few stuffs
*Being criticised by friends
*Friends that never know my existence
*Cant do what i want
*Being forced to do what i dont like
*Friends that only care about themselves
*Friends that abandon me

What i love???
*Being praised on my performance
*Be with my friends
*Play with my friends
*Sports & Games
*Idling away
*Chatting
*Having a smooth day
*Laugh with my friends
*Blog Hopping =D

What am i truely???
Okay above listed were just my basic characteristic trait. But i dont think you could know me well from there.
Well, what i typed out now, is surely opposite of what you all think of me.

I am a quiet boy, true enough. But to avoid for friends to feel bored and embarrassed, i start conversation but the likelyhood is low. Force me chat with a topic. I will never say no to a chat.
Too helpful, considered a weakness to me but not to you all, right? Mostly what you all asked i will do it, as long i can. Of course i stil got some unwillingness sometimes.
Still a thrill seeker, you can make that out, and you will see my hyperactive side.
My talkative side? I am a cyber chatterbox.
A very negative boy and no compeition mindset. Motivate me, if not, you can win me as easy as 1.2.3. % being motivated is 20% unless u make me unhappy with u.
Look like blur boy, but can actually know how you feel, sensitive to emotions. Anything stirred, i can feel it.
A very secretive boy, say anything to me i will just keep it. Even my stuffs. I will never say out, dont try to make me say out, cause probably will hurt me afterward or you.
Too easy to satisfied, due to my lives, everythings hard to come by, so i will treasured every little things u gave me. Thanks.
Am i stupid? Thats up to you, but to be frank. I always a lazy person to start off, so no efforts and so, no result. Unless needed if not i wont show out what i know. The most wrong things to do is.. look down on me.
To be honest, i quite an good actor, cause you never know the true side of me, so just know it and deal with me. Thats a friend i really want...

What i want...
*~~Be happy forever~~
*~~Have the N91 phone~~
*Grow taller
*Slim down
*~~A laptop~~
*A own room
*s+uDy r00m
*~~Friends that really care~~
*Family that understand me
*Having a healthy lifestyle
*Get serious on my studies
*Study really hard for my exam