Its true that I am not able to bring happiness to everyone but please do not deprive me from trying to make you HAPPY...............................................

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Depression?

Hi blog,

Sorry for not blogging these few days. Was suffering abit of depression these few days. I just dont know why, i keep think of useless stuffs again. I said i was a failure in basketball, and until now i cant shake off the feeling. When i played, i dont know what should i do. Score or pass? In the end i just lose my cool and anyhow dribble. I know my dribbling skill, yet when i did it, i just restrained myself from doing. In the end, we lose. Failure isnt it?

I wanna talk about it to others, but who? Surely not huat. Except leong, the rest will just laugh at it. Nobody will give their serious comments. So i talked to leong about it. He is right? Nobody will laugh when i did badly. But just i cant figured out, and i still trapped in failure thinking. Badly affect my performance. I guess what i need is confidence. Janine also said that before. Am i too useless, i just keep think that.

Even in friendship, just a common chatting, yet i cant find a nice topic to chat off. I dont want let people think i am a boring person. Yet i still like to be quiet. These few days i been real quiet, cause i scare i talk something bored or what. I dont know how to explain. I just dont know what to say when facing friends. I just like to stand beside listened to dennis's jokes or whoever said that. I dont want to forged a fake smile and try to say something which sooner or later turned to sad face.

I know i thinking useless stuffs. But really, i think i really need to loose myself, need to let myself laugh as much as possible, rethink my personality. I know i am a lousy friends to be thats why no much people regard me as best friends.

To make myself from thinking so much, i guess i over strained my body. In basketball, i repeatly shoot and shoot after the lights are off. Resulted in sprained foots.

In badminton, i keep run and run just to tire out my body to keep myself from thinking useless stuffs. Yet afterward, the 'depression' came back. That day, though they gonna go someplace to cool down. Yet all said go home. I suddenly feel so alone. Maybe i really not suited to be with them. Cause they arent the same as me. I can go out as late as possible but they cant. We didnt shared the same view maybe due to my secondary school lifestyle. Even in intelligence, i feel i am stupid already. Cause i didnt strive on my own but take others notes to study. I just so lazy isnt it?

Motivation, confidence and focus. These 3 words arent in my life. Who can fill in these words for me?

Let me take a break and think..

Fan Signing Off.....

Ended the storytelling at -->4:50 PM
I am just a Fool who want to make who I cared to be happy.
=========================

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Name -> Hu MingFan
Age -> Going 20 this year
Occupation -> Temasek Polytechnic Student
Birth date -> 19 OCT 1988
E-mail -> humingfan@hotmail.com

Never do that on me!!!
*Being looked down
*Being judged just by few stuffs
*Being criticised by friends
*Friends that never know my existence
*Cant do what i want
*Being forced to do what i dont like
*Friends that only care about themselves
*Friends that abandon me

What i love???
*Being praised on my performance
*Be with my friends
*Play with my friends
*Sports & Games
*Idling away
*Chatting
*Having a smooth day
*Laugh with my friends
*Blog Hopping =D

What am i truely???
Okay above listed were just my basic characteristic trait. But i dont think you could know me well from there.
Well, what i typed out now, is surely opposite of what you all think of me.

I am a quiet boy, true enough. But to avoid for friends to feel bored and embarrassed, i start conversation but the likelyhood is low. Force me chat with a topic. I will never say no to a chat.
Too helpful, considered a weakness to me but not to you all, right? Mostly what you all asked i will do it, as long i can. Of course i stil got some unwillingness sometimes.
Still a thrill seeker, you can make that out, and you will see my hyperactive side.
My talkative side? I am a cyber chatterbox.
A very negative boy and no compeition mindset. Motivate me, if not, you can win me as easy as 1.2.3. % being motivated is 20% unless u make me unhappy with u.
Look like blur boy, but can actually know how you feel, sensitive to emotions. Anything stirred, i can feel it.
A very secretive boy, say anything to me i will just keep it. Even my stuffs. I will never say out, dont try to make me say out, cause probably will hurt me afterward or you.
Too easy to satisfied, due to my lives, everythings hard to come by, so i will treasured every little things u gave me. Thanks.
Am i stupid? Thats up to you, but to be frank. I always a lazy person to start off, so no efforts and so, no result. Unless needed if not i wont show out what i know. The most wrong things to do is.. look down on me.
To be honest, i quite an good actor, cause you never know the true side of me, so just know it and deal with me. Thats a friend i really want...

What i want...
*~~Be happy forever~~
*~~Have the N91 phone~~
*Grow taller
*Slim down
*~~A laptop~~
*A own room
*s+uDy r00m
*~~Friends that really care~~
*Family that understand me
*Having a healthy lifestyle
*Get serious on my studies
*Study really hard for my exam