Its true that I am not able to bring happiness to everyone but please do not deprive me from trying to make you HAPPY...............................................

Saturday, January 19, 2008

What's the feeling.. I AM BACK!!!!

Hi blog,

These recently, i been feeling low. Not even a moment I feel happy. I mean truly happy, i guessed I being hurt too much. No.. its should be felt hurt too much. Needless to say, I hurt others too. I just being emotional.

Yesterday I suddenly think that I always cannot do my things right. The ORGCOM project just because I think I could do it right resulted in more trouble to my teammates and cause them in such a mess. I am here to apologise.

Days been different since my breakdown. People who dont know what happened talked to me as usual. Those who know about it have cut down their conversation with me.

Today went out with my motorola colleagues. From how they treat me, I am a funny and quiet guy, a person full of jokes and mischief but can be very quiet suddenly with different expression from 1 moment to another.

Thats not only what i experienced from or heard it. Every friends treat as that kind of person. Actually come to think of it, I never tried to be sad infront of them and I never failed to make people laugh. I am a happy-go-lucky people in everyone eyes. That what I acted up outside.

But dont know why, I actually break down infront of my classmates these recently. Due to that, I recieved different treatments now. Not that they avoiding me or what. I guessed they scared of making me sad again. They are more concerned about my feelings here and there. Its not wrong for them to be so caring, but thats not what I want.

I want to be back to cheerful again. Make me feel useful, make me feel comfortable. I dont want to be in an awkward situation.

I suddenly remembered the reason why I breakdown.. Cause I think too much, I thought of being treated differently cause of my characteristic. Due to that I keep trying to change my characteristic. Change until I being paranoid, being weird and been sad since then.

Now I know what I truly am. I really a happy-go-lucky person, I am really good at crapping, I am a daredevils but hate being embarassed. You can be lame with me and I can be more lame than you, thats what I used to do when people wanna get lame with me but I liked it =D. Dont like noises, dont like being in a crowded place and like to be quiet if you are quiet too.. those are what introvert sides I having.

If wanna say about my strengths, I am very good at thinking, but think too much is my weakness but also can strength cause I could also think of every pros and cons. Being sensitive can be good too cause I am able to show the care you could want to but bad at showing my concerns, thats my Bad. Being a positive thinker, could always think of the bright side in bad situation but being in an unconfidence state cause me being negative. Can tell me be a listener and tell me do advisor but dont ask me how to do bad things. Cant cheat but can lie =D Honest wor..

Weakness, i dont wanna say cause who wanna talked about it =X I can post on the profile that is if you really want to know but if you know it must go do something about it thats the rule =D

I actually have a strong mind. Everytime I lose myself, I can get back to the track as fast as possible and learnt the lesson within. This time is just another round of testing and I wanna tell you I passed =D I does not have a weak heart cause if I have, I shouldnt be what I am now and then.

Wonder why I can suddenly think straight? Thanks to that 16hrs of sleep i get yesterday. My brain functioned back I guessed. What I really want to express here is, dont treat me what you think you should treat me. Treat me the way I present myself naturally in the first place. Best is you treat me as what I said in this post =D

I will be updating the profile again so its not so outdated =D Please hor, dont bully me cause you gonna suffer. I am stronger than before now =D

Fan Logging Off.....

Ended the storytelling at -->11:01 PM
I am just a Fool who want to make who I cared to be happy.
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*_-_MY TRUSTED ONES_-_*

* _ - _ E V G _ - _ *
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* _ - _ C o l l e a g u e s _ - _ *
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[==_ Justin _==]
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[==_ Alan _==]
[==_ Alan2 _==]
[==_ Jack _==]
[==_ Janine _==]
[==_ Umairah _==]

* _ - _ Q i h u a _ - _ *
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[==_ Aeris _==]
[==_ Tracy _==]
[==_ Genevieve _==]

* _ - _ T e m a s e k P o l y t e c h n i c _ - _*
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[==_ HweePing (Cousin) _==]
[==_ ShuLing (Cousin) _==]
[==_ Photo Blog _==]

*_-_My Own Creation Of Blog Skins_-_*

[.:: 1st skin ::.]
[.:: 2nd skin ::.]
[.:: 3rd skin ::.]
[.:: 4th skin ::.]
[.:: 5th skin ::.]
[.:: 6th skin ::.]
[.:: 7th skin ::.]
[.:: 8th skin ::.]

Name -> Hu MingFan
Age -> Going 20 this year
Occupation -> Temasek Polytechnic Student
Birth date -> 19 OCT 1988
E-mail -> humingfan@hotmail.com

Never do that on me!!!
*Being looked down
*Being judged just by few stuffs
*Being criticised by friends
*Friends that never know my existence
*Cant do what i want
*Being forced to do what i dont like
*Friends that only care about themselves
*Friends that abandon me

What i love???
*Being praised on my performance
*Be with my friends
*Play with my friends
*Sports & Games
*Idling away
*Chatting
*Having a smooth day
*Laugh with my friends
*Blog Hopping =D

What am i truely???
Okay above listed were just my basic characteristic trait. But i dont think you could know me well from there.
Well, what i typed out now, is surely opposite of what you all think of me.

I am a quiet boy, true enough. But to avoid for friends to feel bored and embarrassed, i start conversation but the likelyhood is low. Force me chat with a topic. I will never say no to a chat.
Too helpful, considered a weakness to me but not to you all, right? Mostly what you all asked i will do it, as long i can. Of course i stil got some unwillingness sometimes.
Still a thrill seeker, you can make that out, and you will see my hyperactive side.
My talkative side? I am a cyber chatterbox.
A very negative boy and no compeition mindset. Motivate me, if not, you can win me as easy as 1.2.3. % being motivated is 20% unless u make me unhappy with u.
Look like blur boy, but can actually know how you feel, sensitive to emotions. Anything stirred, i can feel it.
A very secretive boy, say anything to me i will just keep it. Even my stuffs. I will never say out, dont try to make me say out, cause probably will hurt me afterward or you.
Too easy to satisfied, due to my lives, everythings hard to come by, so i will treasured every little things u gave me. Thanks.
Am i stupid? Thats up to you, but to be frank. I always a lazy person to start off, so no efforts and so, no result. Unless needed if not i wont show out what i know. The most wrong things to do is.. look down on me.
To be honest, i quite an good actor, cause you never know the true side of me, so just know it and deal with me. Thats a friend i really want...

What i want...
*~~Be happy forever~~
*~~Have the N91 phone~~
*Grow taller
*Slim down
*~~A laptop~~
*A own room
*s+uDy r00m
*~~Friends that really care~~
*Family that understand me
*Having a healthy lifestyle
*Get serious on my studies
*Study really hard for my exam