Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Cant blog.. cant use comp.. cant play...
Haiz.. its like i am a nothing to do then blog when seeing the duration of blogging between each posts.. haiz.. i am a person who always blog when something happened.. as who knows what will happened to me.. so i just want have a record of what had happened to me.. at least something to refer when i felt sad or something or something which help me recall some feelings.. while too bad computer spoilt and my brothers are shrinking responsible... both used so much but none of it want to pay.. all waiting for me to fork out money again.. its not fair at all.. big brother said want buy new computer so not paying.. that 1 is reasonable but how about that small 1? haiz.. i felt damn pathetic having him as my brother for sometime... but i just dote him for no reason.. haiz.. i too kind i guess.. about my school life? while.. quizzes as i said.. but all passed^^ haha... and all the studies was do last minuted... unbelievable.. i not saying last minute is right.. but its amazing that i get for my math 26/30 when i just expect a just pass grade.. my teacher still said got just pass people i immediately think of its me... well a show of not self confidence.. teacher still fool me say no need see liao.. i cant believe that sentence as he told that to jiajun who is good in math.. but still i asked again.. he said 26.. cant believe.. he know me as i am a class rap.. he know i didnt study de.. but well.. he said well done.. i feel great.. haha.. well for others i dont know how i just know i pass.. thats all.. just waiting for result now... so hope its come faster.. ok.. stop for now.. i will blog next time if got chance.. haha.....
Ended the storytelling at -->6:02 PM
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Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Wa... since its a long time past from my last post... well.. why didnt i post? haiz... computer spoilt lor.. still got what.. now at school blogging.. haiz.. well.. nothing nice have happening this recently.. quizzes all coming.. sqeezing me till almost explode soon.. cant blame but my laziness.. haiz.. especially my psychology.. i stored the online quiz till got 4 liao.. power sia me.. haiz.. alot of things to do but time is just always unsufficient.. haiz.. like for now.. tommorow quiz le i haven study my subject.. might again use luck pass my quiz mehz? haiz.. think this time no hope.. this time arent as easy as last time.. no need listen also know what going on.. doom for this time le.. if only i can keep study at home.. hope that library or friend house are my house.. everywhere are nice to study except home... how come i so... haiz.. feel sad now.. lucky just now the psychology tutorial managed to cheer me up.. but another things bothering me too i forgot to say.. its about the psychrometric.. well i said is the most difficult in all the topic.. i managed to do it.. and pass the quiz full mark i guess... well.. but for my teammate.. well.. they cant do it until now.. i guess partially my fault too because.. should know that i a fast learner.. can do can learn but cannot teach!! then more worse got 1 newcomer.. 1 adsent.. haiz.. left 2 still ok.. but i just hope this subject is no need teach.. its give me alot of pressuer too.. as dennis said i teach very poorly.. well others said quite good.. i think poorly suit me.. as i know my limit.. i cant teach is cant teach.. wont change de.. i do things got my own logic and ways to do it.. but not for them.. i more in fundamental side not basic... haiz... got to put down all these stuff first and concentrate on my current situation... just hope the sun wont set today.. so that can study.. i only can study daytime... haiz... think i am dead sooner or later le.. touchwood!! haha.. ok la.. i will stopped here.. Fan signing off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->5:37 PM
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Friday, November 17, 2006
Argh.. comp have complaint against us again!! >.< he shut down and dont open!! how sad man.. cant play is 1 problem.. cant use is great problem!! dammit sia.. then kanna bully by sibling more sad.. 1 say book ps2 1 say book comp.. wa lao.. i like waiter sia.. still got to help them da bao foods.. i 3rd lehz.. not fourth in the house.. haiz.. days in school? damn boring.. funny stuffs? not much.. works? tons of it!! haiz.. i wonder am i born to suffer all trouble? is heaven just want to test me something? am i such an important person in future? nobody know.. i might gone before i am useful.. haiz.. my life are terrible.. haiz.. everyday surely got something bad happened.. like today.. my gastric hurts so suddenly in the morning.. cause me let my friend wait.. haiz. even though things that seem simple.. its always happened as all know about it already.. haiz.. now what i worried is about the money issues... my mom not enough money again.. she need help.. but my money already planned to buy what.. and still not enough..... argh.. my problem is damn alot.. haiz.. so lucky i dont have boy girl relationship.. if not i sure die of fatigue.. haiz.. another problem came out is quizes.. i didnt touch on any subject.. now must study.. haiz.. why cant i concentrate.. i realize my body is abnormal recently.. brain is slowed.. body too.. oh man.. is it because i didnt exercise? haiz.. always feel sleepy.. tomorrow must study already if not i doomed.. well i will stop here.. Fan signing off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:57 PM
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Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Attention coming in wrong way..
Hi blog.. so long never address you le.. well alot happening.. alot disturbing stuff.. and alot of thoughts.. and now.. dont know is what.. does fate really making a fool out of me? i getting attention i want.. ya should be happy.. but what i getting is not the way i wanted to.. haiz.. today having activities.. outdoor.. during PSPS.. well.. can be said to be lame.. what its wanted us to learn is teamwork all these throught out those game.. then 1 game was cancelled due to rain.. then go classroom.. we played another game.. its required 1 song.. a damn lame song which i learned during red cross.. then its happened that 1 was the only 1 know it.. there 1 more beside it know which didnt say but i know as he sang it when i was too.. actually nobody know.. then what happened is i kicked jiajun as he said my leg too short >.<.. then i realize everyone looking at me.. teacher then say can sing? i blur then say yes without realize it.. maybe due to everyone vision.. sianz.. and i was to sing that lame song... damn sia... then everyone keep say me that.. then when choosing the math rap.. well.. i surely wont get choose as nobody will say about me.. then after awhile.. as say about me and vote me -.- what wrong sia.. is fate know i want attention but unwilling to give me so give in that way? so in the end i still get bullied.. even though i dont mind being it.. but i just dont like what fate done to me.. its just too unfair... haiz.. poor me.. suck life.. haiz.. well now got to do homework.. haiz.. way too tired liao la.. dying... well stop all the complaint.. bye everyone.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:42 PM
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Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Well.. i had alot of consideration during the weekend.. cant sleep.. keep tossing.. and then.. i realized 1 little things.. arent me a not giving up guy? ya.. i do.. i faced such a bad fate and bad fight everyday in 8 years.. why i should give up? i was such a fool.. now then realize.. isnt it stupid? i know sometime see me said give up.. but those arent serious stuffs.. but if for serious things.. i am serious and give up wont be appear in my mind.. i just forgot my determination which brought me throught 8 years!! well.. i made up my mind.. actually its my principle.. never give up!! so why i give up? if i lose to fate.. then what for? for the struggling throughout 8 years.. why dont just end my life? haha.. its true anyway.. but well.. i made it this far.. no way i want to give up and thats at least is a respect to me.. as thats my principle.. the least i should obey already.. so wow.. i feel my heart lighten alot.. feel happy and feel that hope again.. thats what i always told myself.. never lose to fate even for 1 day.. and i almost accidentally lost myself.. but i lost 1.. which i brought myself up.. but totally forgot about my principle.. but thought of it during weekend.. now i ready for any trouble fate and prepared for me!! by the way.. my blog also is about determination.. i actually forgot.. haha.. well.. my true characteristic.. i tried.. and i found out... i really can caht alot do alot during online.. but in real life.. i am a quiet boy that dont willing to talk.. but for accomodation.. i talk to them.. willing to make up a conversation.. actually its so tiring for me.. but i ok with it.. as long i know my existence is in this way.. and i am happy.. at least its good to bring laughter for others.. well.. too consideration.. haha.. feel great now.. but stress too.. well.. tis homework.. tons of homework.. dammit.. well. about the homework i will say about it next time.. well everyone take care.. Fan signing off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->5:31 PM
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Friday, November 03, 2006
Friends arent meant for me?
Friends.. seem to be a easy job for the rest to have it.. but seem to be a nearly mission impossible for me.. i have tried.. i have wear mask.. i did everyhing needed to get attention of people.. what i get was anguish and despair.. why always i have to suffer all these.. my friends today in the morning all ignored me.. i dont even know what i done wrong.. its like heaven just like to see me suffer.. the bad fate.. really horrible.. i cant bear it.. when my friends go in the lecture room without calling me up.. i decided.. i dont have any friends in school at all.. except siangyee.. i really have nothing.. i just went to library and have a good sleep.. till overslept i missed the lab too.. then i went hospital for blood test and went to causeway bought my earpiece and back home.. see? all alone.. just fate.. now.. after what i seen.. i really dont know what to do in school from today onward.. scare of going school.. how.. cant blame me for emotional.. as i have suffered all these for so many years.. starting from primary school.. which is pri4.. all i had is being bullied.. being abandon.. what else? its lucky i still have just barely few friends who supported me.. but to think of it.. even my small brother also can success in anything.. why the heaven just like to bully me.. even my small brother so evil.. always bully me.. and still i am the 1 who suffered.. am i such a easy target for bully? i just had enough all these.. though poly can change my life.. no.. i didnt.. and its repeat.. maybe i shall give me cooldown period.. make me decide during these 2 days.. glad those who came my blog.. even though just for fun.. they indeed showing concern.. grateful to have you all.. Fan signing off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:25 PM
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Thursday, November 02, 2006
I really getting depressed again.. my mind.. just broke down... as what happened today really make me rethink do i really have friends in school again? i was really so sad.. today went to school alone.. as siangyee start school different time from me.. when i reach school.. dont know for what.. i just feel terrible sick.. headache.. eyes pain.. feel like vomiting and body weakened... when lesson start.. i still not recovered.. adn we will required to do project work immediately.. dont know heaven is making fool of me or what.. i am so sick and they just push everything let me do.. a group with 7 why cant they just share the burden.. and again i forced to present again.. all these are ok.. but then i broke down when they just ignored me.. when i came back from toilet as i went to vomit.. they leaved the classroom without help me take bag.. and they just walk past me. its like i was a stranger.. ok.. i dont try to think so much.. when i went out.. they already gone without waiting me.. i really very sad.. as i said before i hate being abandoned.. ok.. i went to library as i really need to cool down and tried to recovered.. i slept for 1 hour plus and just recovered abit.. siangyee came to find me and pass the math table to me.. really grateful school got him.. but unlike me.. he dont have 4 hours break.. so i still remain alone.. then i went out for stroll.. the breeze outside make me feel alot better.. then.. i remembered si ni.. another friend of mine in tp.. i feel so down.. so i smsed her.. in the end.. she also busy cant meet me.. i really think heaven is making fool of me.. why cant just let me have memorable days... i dont know why i just felt more depressed.. when the next lesson start.. i went in first then followed by layteng them.. just me and them but nobody speak to me.. and i went to toilet and saw dennis them.. when i came back.. they sit different place from me.. jiajun and dennis.. am i just too hard to mix with them.. am i such a detestable person.. i just 18 years old.. i so lonely i just wanna cry.. i wanna shout.. until now.. i cant remember any memorable lives i had in school.. i just realized.. what i can think about is my secondary school friends.. thats does it.. i always act joker just to mix with them.. but seem i go anywhere also useless.. argh.. i really way too tired for these.. its really came true after all.. the bad fate.. haiz.. so wish all these could stop.. cant think much now.. headache appeared again.. so i will end here.. bye.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:01 PM
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Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Haiz.. today such a boring day.. as got cds at 4pm... then no lesson in between.. which mean got 4 hours free.. haiz.. nothing to do sia.. go eat lunch with dennis them.. then we went to library.. what i do? fall asleep.. too tired already.. haiz.. i sleep so ugly sia.. haha.. can guess.. lol.. i sleep with jiajun lol.. he siting there fall asleep.. i also began to sleep.. actually i was doing homework lehz.. haiz.. i am a easily influfenced person anyway.. haha.. then when i wake up jiajun who is infront me gone le.. lol.. left jolin who at the next seat there.. i guess when denis gone she take over that seats.. haiz.. so sleepy.. must think of something to do.. so i told jolin i go upstair study.. lol.. i studied the psychology.. wa.. really damn hard.. but i wasnt concentrating too.. very tired and i was a person lack of concentrating power... haha.. anyway.. the psychology tutorial.. aww.. the team we had previously was changed.. haiz.. and this time this team was permanenant.. got to learn interactive skill le.. lol.. so sad.. anyway.. damn funny sia.. its psychology as you know so we have to learn and make presentation.. why so we make alot of notes.. then leader said i will present it.. then.. i think i can guess it.. as other group are so well written.. our like just anyhow do it.. so he like paiseh liao.. then dont want go le.. so keep pushing it to his friends.. wel.. i cant bear to see it anymore.. as even the last group also cant take it and present first.. so i go up.. just grab the paper and went up.. everyone just gave me applauses... lol.. funny sia.. anyway.. i really useful sia.. present finish liao leg still weak and abit shaky.. even though nobody know.. but i know.. i way too useless... i do sales before so i shouldnt have that problem.. haiz.. hope i can be more strong .. haha.. well thats too much le.. so i will end here^^ Fan signing off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->8:58 PM
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