Its not closing of this blog. Just that I will stopped blogging.
Anything to tell me can tell me through the tagboard. Well.. I know the result although..
Oh ya.. Don't need to treat me indifferently as its not your fault. Its mine...
This is then 500th post.....
Ended the storytelling at -->8:19 PM
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Hi blog,
Guess now there is no one looking at this 'down' blog now. Okay.. That's not the reason for me to start blogging now. I recently was too busy to even surf the Nets.
Our project till this recently was a successful progress. So now, we proclaimed that we finished our project in last Friday. Its really a day worth to celebrate. Quite unbelievable that we reached this stage.
Up till this stage, I really loss of words to type afterward. Actually people around me are thinking what am I thinking. I believe its just a misunderstood I giving to others. So i guess I will tell my story now..
Actually not I am not in the motive of letting people around me feel guilty when I blog what I blogged this recently.
Its just my thinking and its not your responsibility to change anot. I already know there is too much in difference in me and others. I am just too unique in personality and everything.
Maybe just my perfection-seeking mind in trying to think that everything around me should be what I think of. Yup.. So nobody in fault. Just my perfection cause the trouble.
Maybe you will realized I spoke less now. I wanna to say, I act hilarious, joker or have a sense of humor is just a way of making friends. I am able to make alot of friends but never did I get a friend that I will always thought of. Maybe a soul mate or buddy who will always be each other side to help or play with. The best level I have now is just 'Good Friend'. Maybe watch too much drama so I thought its possible to have a buddy or soul mate for me.
Its just the Fate which bring me nothing when I desired for something.
I just want to say, my true side nobody have seen. What you all see is just the bridge I built to connect you and me. If you got to say who know me truly, its just me.
I will now try to be 'who' I really am. If you don't like it, feel free to tell me. Its true.. I no longer will have expectation now for 'good'. Average is just good enough already.
In past, I act to be humorous as only that way I can make friends. Don't you all make friends by the level of sense of humor they have? If a person that don't spoke much you will be friend with them? Somehow I managed to get that idea and fit myself easily to that situation. So I am befriend-able. But.. I am not that kind of people, I don't like noise, don't like vulgar and totally not into craziness. I just want to be submerged into the laughter's of my friends I am comfortable in.
In past, I act to be so called showing off cause only that I will able to attract friends around me. But I somehow end up called arrogant. But isn't that the only way to let people think of you when they need something? "Hey, who know better in... Oh.. mingfan hor.." Somehow I like that feeling. But I now stopped cause peple around me like people that are humble. Which I am originally. But there is still people who think I am showing off when I am not even trying hard. Its just easy for me to do that. Is that considered show-off? When I heard people say I 'hao lian' when I did something, definitely they don't even know what I am capable of. Now I am curbing my abilities so I look normal in my friends. Even in playing games. The only sport I played all-out is basketball, that's the sport I think I am weak. But due to my mental-strength I always unable to do what I am capable of. But my friends just unable to noticed that.
Why my fellow teammates just don't know my strength... Can't blame, who tell me being the shortest and having weak-mind.
So what should I do? I will just be myself from this moment on. I will be what I like, cool, quiet, humble, unfriendly or whatever it is.. Feel free to break off friendship with me. At least I won't feel guilty of letting you bored when you with me. I always thought of people before me. So I guess its time to think of myself.
The last crazy time I had is memorable. The time when Dennis came down to the school for his presentation and we 4 together stay at the corridor and played crazily. I thanks for letting me to be crazy. Thanks...
This blog is now closed, there is no more chance you will get to know me well. I am Mingfan and thats it.
Fan signed off the last page of this blog.....
Ended the storytelling at -->5:35 PM
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Hi blog,
Yesterday is a great achievement in my progress in the project. Haha.. Went to RP with Siangyee to do project. I know I can't do my stuff alone so I asked him to do project together.
So I met him at afternoon and went to Causeway Point to buy KFC and proceed to RP to eat.
RP is not quiet at all! Even in holiday, thats strange. We find a spot and have our lunch first then do our work.
I really worked the best when someone I know beside me. No matter is disturbance or assistance, I just worked 100% =D So I had a greap leap in my programming. So happy, but still unable to complete.
Siangyee was doing some wiring for his project. VAV card, duct, VA motor etc etc..
See how he work, really hope he in my team. Although he not that clever, he willing to work as much as he can. He is way better than the teammates I have, no matter is thinking or working.. Haiz.. We 2 is sufficient enough to complete the professional level of project I handling now =X
I was in the most crucial point to solve the problem when the light just switched off at 9pm!! >.< No light no mood, so we reluntantly packed our stuffs and leave the place.
This is the 499th post, so the next post I guess its the end of this blog. =[
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->5:40 PM
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I hate to be alone.. But thats the end..
Hi blog,
Slowly, I managed to get used to be alone. Although its the first day, I at least tried to avoid going out with those girls. I cannot be the bad guy, but at least I can avoid getting hopes from them now.
Anyone around me have been a disappointment. I want to think is my expectation too high, but the way I seeing. Its just me the one who lowering my abilities to satisfy them.
These recently I been finding it annoying how people around me works or behave. I just wanna be alone now, where nobody know me or know anyone. I think I getting to high up now.
Thought of closing this blog now. In past I blog, one of the factor is to let others know more about me. Its not just in blog, in real life I been trying my best to show my side.
But to them, its like the memory entered the RAM, once they sleep it will be gone. Again they will do what I don't like. Even more worse, self-assumption of my characteristic.
"I won't get offended by comments, but I will get offended if you say something about me but not letting me know."
"I won't get angry about critcises but don't keep repeat the same thing over and over again."
Haiz.. Say so much for what, even if they know they will still do it isn't it?
Suddenly I come to realize people who understand me the most might only be 2 people. Dennis and Derick. They at least know, like Derick know whats my weakness while knowing what stupid ideas I thinking from time to time. Dennis know my strength and he know what I don't like. This is at least better than any friends I have.
Now its not important whether people understand me anot, I have already stopped pinning hopes on them. Also on the purpose of this blog. I will stop blogging soon I guess, but not the habit. Maybe keep a diary at least to frustrate out what I am thinking..
Slowly, I will be a loner soon. Then maybe refresh again? I wonder.... Now still a mess...
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:08 PM
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Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Hi blog,
Haiz.. I want to be cold to prevent hurt by heat. I want to be bad to prevent people hurt me first.
But its seem I am still unable to do that.
"Don't be naive already."
Haiz.. Maybe thats really me. Too naive to do any bad thing. Think can, but do is impossible. Haiz..
Wanna be less active but end up playing tennis with the everyone.
Almost quarrel with Yvonne (Actually wanted) But I just can't. I will want to keep the friendship.. Haiz..
Guess I not suit to be a bad guy. I wanna feel offended, as I know if I can't. People will just do what I don't like over and over again.
I am so lost now. Body still not in a good state. Gastric problem again as usual. Until now I feeling damn sick. Argh... Go sleep liao.. Haiz...
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:07 PM
=========================
Hi blog,
Why am I always suffer everything either in wave or one shot. Can't I suffer like normal people does? Why must I always be the special one.
I just said no more things to be happened on me. The 'PSP' matters just come back again as soon as possible before I can even recovered. I am really pissed off. But being sad is more than the anger. I am really disappointed about everything already. I really wanna said:
"What I have is my life. Please take my life instead, I am freaking tired of living already."
Its been long since I will think that way. I don't know who to tell anymore. I just want to blog it out. Anyway no matter who I told to, nobody willing to help.
This is what I learnt from my friends. Maybe being good to them is just a stupid action from me.
Yea, most probably somebody will think : "If don't wanna say, why blog it? Its like forcing people to listen." Cause this is the only place where its bring me comfort.
I can't seem to have anything in my way. No matter is personal or work. Both is not going the right way. I am always the one striving for other people and not otherwise.
I will just treat my friend as I want to. No more sacrifice my time and energy for others anymore. I am disappointed with the fact of how others treat me back.
Sick and tired of my life. How am I going to have my energy for the future. Everything crashed in my life again. If this continues, I really don't know whats going to happen to me.
I really find comfort in Cyber world...
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:34 PM
=========================
Hi blog,
Haiz.. I wanna blog about what happened these recently, or actually I should have blog about what happening on everyday. But too bad.. I fell sicked cause of.. exposed to sun -.-
On Saturday, I was in the sun for 7 hours. Minus 2 hours eating in the middle. Yup.. Haha.. But I still enjoyed the process. I played with Dennis in the morning then afternoon with my big bro =D
Haha.. He came my school to play cause its free. He also called along 2 of his friends. So we played for alot of times. Haha..
My big bro was so pro lor. Bully me like hell, haiz.. Haha.. Enjoyed the time he sent me back home. Haha.. Travelled in car was always the best. Haha..
Reached home then I knocked out le. Sleep for straight 15 hours to the next day. Wake up due to serious sore throat. No voice at all sia.. Get a shock of my life. I thought I was just sleeping? I didn't even touched any oily foods. Grr.. Then slowly I developed fever and flu. Wa lao.....
My Sunday..... I wanna do things I want lehz.. Haiz.. No choice got to rest and see Yi play his game -.- Boring day it is..
I doesn't feel that well, haiz.. All my energy gone. Totally don't want to work at all. Haiz.. So I went to slack with the girls. Haha.
My day just ended so boring. If I don't get well, so is my life =X
Yea.. My life is a mess, really hope nothing much happened already. Misunderstanding my friends already a great sins to me. I can no longer think well. Haiz.. Its pretty one sided now. Don't know what to do now.. Haiz....
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:28 PM
=========================
Time to escape and back to reality.
Hi blog,
Yesterday was a very random day. Suddenly Yvonne asked me to meet up with Dennis. Quite surprise at her action but I agreed cause its nice to meet up Dennis =D
So we went to Toa Payoh after school. Layteng can't follow again, sad..
We went to Foodcourt eat chicken rice then we went to Mos Burger for Ice Milk Tea (What I just mentioned Dennis do it differently.)
Its hilarious to see Yvonne keep bickering with Dennis. Haha.. Poor Dennis, I seeing a free show =D
We keep chat on all kind of things. We chat till I finished my Large Ice Milk Tea. Haha.. I always drink the slowest among people. Haha.. Thats why I ordered the largest so to let us stay more longer. Hee~
Then I and Dennis don't feel like going home early. (Its 9.30pm) So we sat at the train's platform there chit chat. We chat on more personal stuffs or our interest. Haha.. Life philosophy and whatever it is. =D
We keep chat till 11.30 then we went home. Haha..
I feel so much better at sharing things now. I guess really got influenced by Yvonne, Layteng and Dennis. Haha..
Huat asked me wanna play basketball at afternoon. He said I am avoiding them. This really make me disappointed. Definitely is Choon huat asked Derick why I not coming and he just said this. Why not him the one who asked me and its Huat.
I just really disappointed at friends who just want fun and no trouble. Infront treat me like friends but in heart is nothing but a toy. But not really sad already cause I am used to it.
I answered Huat by saying I am busy instead of avoiding. Lied without battling my eyelid.
Even if now I got it all wrong, I don't really feel bad as they always get me wrong all the times...
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->3:52 PM
=========================
Name -> Hu MingFan
Age -> Going 20 this year
Occupation -> Temasek Polytechnic Student
Birth date -> 19 OCT 1988
E-mail -> humingfan@hotmail.com
Never do that on me!!!
*Being looked down
*Being judged just by few stuffs
*Being criticised by friends
*Friends that never know my existence
*Cant do what i want
*Being forced to do what i dont like
*Friends that only care about themselves
*Friends that abandon me
What i love???
*Being praised on my performance
*Be with my friends
*Play with my friends
*Sports & Games
*Idling away
*Chatting
*Having a smooth day
*Laugh with my friends
*Blog Hopping =D
What am i truely???
Okay above listed were just my basic characteristic trait. But i dont think you could know me well from there.
Well, what i typed out now, is surely opposite of what you all think of me.
I am a quiet boy, true enough. But to avoid for friends to feel bored and embarrassed, i start conversation but the likelyhood is low. Force me chat with a topic. I will never say no to a chat.
Too helpful, considered a weakness to me but not to you all, right? Mostly what you all asked i will do it, as long i can. Of course i stil got some unwillingness sometimes.
Still a thrill seeker, you can make that out, and you will see my hyperactive side.
My talkative side? I am a cyber chatterbox.
A very negative boy and no compeition mindset. Motivate me, if not, you can win me as easy as 1.2.3. % being motivated is 20% unless u make me unhappy with u.
Look like blur boy, but can actually know how you feel, sensitive to emotions. Anything stirred, i can feel it.
A very secretive boy, say anything to me i will just keep it. Even my stuffs. I will never say out, dont try to make me say out, cause probably will hurt me afterward or you.
Too easy to satisfied, due to my lives, everythings hard to come by, so i will treasured every little things u gave me. Thanks.
Am i stupid? Thats up to you, but to be frank. I always a lazy person to start off, so no efforts and so, no result. Unless needed if not i wont show out what i know. The most wrong things to do is.. look down on me.
To be honest, i quite an good actor, cause you never know the true side of me, so just know it and deal with me. Thats a friend i really want...
What i want...
*Be happy forever
*Have the N91 phone
*Grow taller
*Slim down
*A laptop
*A own room
*s+uDy r00m
*Friends that really care
*Family that understand me
*Having a healthy lifestyle
*Get serious on my studies
*Study really hard for my exam