Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Its so over exagerating... but its true.. what things... work lor.. still got what.. i always self tortured.. but if not because the school efficiency.. i wont have to.. or maybe its just me.. really not suit for Polytechnic life style.. just really not suit... I was so regret sleeping.. and so regret never go retake.. so many regret.. so when will i stop to have my regrets.. haiz... my brain malfunctioning... my spoken english getting weird.. keep saying wrong stuff or have wrong combination... when i look at math tutorial question i did.. i actually forgot how to do!!! oh my goodness... i really doomed this time.. yesterday didnt sleep at all. was tossing here and there.. think of my stuffs... i was so.. argh.. when fall asleep.. its time to wake up.. real pathetic.. then go school.. realise malfunctioning.. so redo all my math tutorial questions.. i mean WHOLE.. freak man.. am i over paranoid? then the PSPS project finally teacher said okay.. but! need demonstration to show my product will work!! how could it be?? why i always get those weirdest stuffs happening on me!! she didnt tell others but me.. then math class.. think cant take it fall asleep.. then after that.. blur blur walk till library.. then blur blur walk around go find siangyee.. had lunch at the garden.. lol.. because he doing his work there.. so funny.. i also join him.. then go libary.. though should be awake... but wrong!! i fall asleep again.. and its deep sleep that siangyee cant even wake me up.. i know that will happened.. so i slept till 5!! late for 1 hour.. so i was so doomed.. when i reach the classroom. i go toilet first. and saw my teacher.. haha.. told him the truth he tell me to went in.. but then when i went in.. not even 1 of my member was there.. i was o.O.. then thought wrong class.. walk out again.. then realize correct.. lol.. then i stand at corridor.. dont know what to do.. all having discussion.. and my member not even 1 was there.. how could it be!! all run away... so my fate was like that.. continue... teacher came back and saw me loitering... i told him my member gone.. he tell me went in and find another group to discuss.. haiz.. keep quiet all the time as expected.. i was so wish i could have my desired team for just once.. i will be at least very happy... history repeated like last time esfac.. which i overslept too.. haha... now really very exhausted.. must sleep.. but cant!! IWD quiz... haiz... need to study too.. really can blame myself... and still got math.. brain.. please function well tomorrow... haiz.. go study le.. brainwacking.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:33 PM
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Struggling for the fate..
Thats does it... last time was emotionally tortured by the Fate.. now is physically.. when will i start to enjoy with a peace of mind!! haiz.. today actually having psychology project going on again... and what happened is cancelled... which is the third time we had.. its so unlucky.. early in the morning to recieve that news.. thought we had everything planned out? why suddenly people changed their mind... haiz.. lucky i told them thursday beforehand... so had a back up.. prepared this time^^ but still very sad... but still i had somethign done which is good.. my psps.. because actually i forgot all about psps which going to summit wednesday.. haha... so i did it.. well thanks to siangyee because he learnt the technics i wanted to use... blessing in disguise that shall be.. another good stuff is i passed my DFUND quiz.. well shows self-confidence this time... full mark anot i not sure.. but i guess the whole class sure get high mark.. wel.. a quiz but look like class discussion.. everyone calling me and ZunZun.. because we 2 appeared to be know everything about dfund which i actually not.. my paper was crumpled anyway... passing here and there.. so funny.. but happy to had this type of teacher.. because whole class sure pass.. haha.. anyway no hard effort on it.. who cares? lol.. just hope tomorrow psps went smoothly.. dont wanna scold like hell again... i the only group kanna the big scolding... so sianz.. if kanna scold i sure quarrel with the teacher!! no la.. just for joke.. okay.. thats all.. sleeping soon.. so late le.. Zzz.....
Ended the storytelling at -->1:07 AM
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Today is such a fun day i guess... haha.. while learned something in chool by the help of Zun Zun.. in DFUND... now sure no problem in passing.. lucky i a fast learner.. if not Zun Zun will siao teaching so many people.. but i still very suck at teaching others.. i kind of teaching way too details.. then cause He Cheng trouble.. well but really strange.. some say i teach well.. some say i teach real bad... i surely believe those say me real bad. as i acknowledged.. i really very poor in teaching.. what i good is learn and use.. just hope the peer teaching will end here.. no more of that please.. then as we skipped esfac for that.. we realized there a pop quiz.. we missed!! oh great.. dont even know.. but well.. pop quiz sure no mark.. thats what i think also hope so.. haha.. then at bridge saw hui ying.. while.. no more avoiding. as she always saw me.. >.< but thats shows she got good observation.. haha.. but actually its okay.. as the avoidancy i had to her vanish.. so well.. friends.. haha.. had basketball game when reach home.. dragged by Choon Huat.. haiz.. so tired.. but i go play not because of him as main reason.. its actually is i cant take it. the urge of touching those balls.. haha.. basketball, tennis, badminton and soccer.. etc... haha.. but if got to choose.. i will choose basketball as since i had a position there which i best at.. shooting.. best among my friends.. but then.. well.. deproved due to long duration never play... my position now kanna shaken.. haha... they say and blame me le.. then rely on others.. so sad.. but no one to blame as i always easily deproved... haiz.. but anyway had alot fun today.. a girl join us play.. dont know how old she is.. but i was quite amazed she agreed to play with us when my friends all so fierce and scold vulgar.. she seem to be younger than us from the size.. but i quite attracted to her. well.. my type its seem.. cute and fine looking.. but not going to have any progress.. not a opportunity grabber in the first place... unless.. well.. see we will meet again in future anot.. if really were.. then i try.. wa.. evil liao.. lol.. friends la.. dont think so much.. lol... haha.. but now.. whole body tired.. well.. cant study thats for sure.. so dont know what to do.. feel like studying but look at the time.. lol.. thats depend.. now think thats all.. Logging off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:27 PM
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Having such a tough day for today.. what i did today wasnt what i planned.. but well.. kind of still okay since fate did something nice today..actually planned to do our PSPS project.. but then 1 of my teammate not coming.. which left 2 of us.. dont know how to do.. have been scolded like hell of course must do well this time.. i just dont like that module.. why we doing module like product design? i am learning building and not that.. i have wasted nearly 1 year learning nothing much really related to the course.. damn regret coming this course... just hope second year get better... oh lets back to subject.. well so what we do? study.. as dennis asked zun zun to teach him dfund.. which actually my teammate.. how to do psps? but when she teaching.. i realize my dfund actually missed so much i dont know. but cant blame as i sleeping.. haiz.. die liao.. wont be so lucky like the term test.. this time is really doom.. all subject i studying.. lost.. haiz... must buck up!! anyway.. today studied till 7 then went home.. so tired.. but siangyee so good wait me all the time.. dont know why.. but lucky got him.. he bought a newspaper.. then i read throughout the whole journey.. haha.. so funny.. a person like me never read a newspaper fully before actually will read 1.. haha.. unbelievable.. but well.. i did it.. haha.. well nothing much more.. now is relaxing time.. maybe go play game.. hehe.. well thats all... life going on up and down.....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:37 PM
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Wednesday, January 24, 2007
its such an tiring day.. all because that IMH visit... i dont think i learn anything important at all.. but actually.. whole day add up make me really tired.. lets see.. first is the PSPS presentation... well.. this time we done it well.. as i got study for it this time.. and the presentation i think very detailed.. haha.. so after that is math lesson which followed up by 2 hours break.. actually 4.. but i need to go IMH.. well.. i did my math revision.. before go there.. expected i will be alone.. and its really alone.. wel.. didnt make friends in psychology. maybe except project.. so sad.. on the trip there sit with them.. but didnt chat.. thats show how is the friendship strength.. then after a long and dull talking.. which make me from abit energetic till dying.. haiz... then the tours. make me more dying.. walk so long just to let us see 1 things.. awhile walk a long distance again go to a shop which sell donated items. and to museum and thats all... really unexpected to be soooo dull.. and still walk so long.. so irritating after that.. but my tireness overcome the irritating... fall asleep during the trip back.. then go library sleep again.. haiz... well funny things is when taking 969.. you all should know that bus sometime will leak water due to water vapour.. and 2 girls realized that and straight away change seats.. took what we planned to have.. then siangyee took that seats which surely somethings is wrong.. well i am correct.. the leaking is seriously.. all on siangyee not me.. thats very lucky.. actually should be me. but today i let siangyee sit inside and i dont know why he got that fate.. maybe because my luck.. fate to have me suffer become siangyee.. very sorry about it.. i always cause people trouble.. so when we reached destination. his jacket was wet.. poor him.. hope he didnt catch cold..if not its my fault.. well i had a backetball at 8... injured again.. when knock against joseph tooth!! oh my god.. another freaking incident only happen on me.. my hand knoch on it and a large hole appear.. bleeding non stop.. not serious thought.. but i think got infection as no water to clean wound.. then my whole hand feel pain and abit numb.. until now still bleeding.. but slowly.. just hope wont be serious... as tomorrow still got project which need me to be cameraman.. going to stay very late then go home. poor me.. but must do it.. if not doom... well wish me good luck.. very tired now... so sleeping time.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:41 PM
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what a bland day i had today.. nothing much happened except early released as i forgot this week IMH visit week which all PSY lessons cancelled.. blur blur.. if Mok didnt say.. i really might end up wait there.. haha.. but actually alot things happened in my heart.. well.. just thoughts nothing really serious.. just maybe need some considerations.. today as early dismiss and siangyee want to do project.. so i end up going home alone.. sat on the bus corner.. think alot of stuffs.. well.. just dreams or future steps.. then i went to causeway.. as i need to buy some accessory.. when i see couples.. i think that.. all nice girls are with handsome guys.. what left for ugly people like us? well.. i not a saint.. but that doesnt mean i like beautiful girls.. its just i like those fine looking girls.. really fine.. unlike my friends all ogle on chio bu.. i see but no feeling at all.. but some girls which doesnt really very beautiful will catch my attention.. maybe thats my taste.. normal.. well not very bad.. but i thought no hope at all.. who will like a ugly and short and fat guy.. haha.. actually tried dieting.. quite sucess for now..clothes loosing.. but how about shortness and ugliness? i wont go for surgery just for that.. so actually i.. well.. but sometime people which suit me.. i wont take opportunity.. i not a opportunity graber and i was a loser toward girls.. so actually not heaven fault or what.. my fault.. saw 2 ex-classmates at different times. 1 at escalator when i done with my shopping, another is reeve.. he was with his mom.. same as me shopping.. and i chat with him till he reach then i went home.. my brother still feverish.. haiz.. but he still want to play.. so desperated.. haha.. well i bought the Tank new album.. its nice.. i encourage people to go buy... no downloads!!! lol.. ok la thats all for today.. daydreaming.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:34 PM
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well.. today is really not a good day... day started with me playing basketball.. well not a bad start but bad ending with my finger injured again... its like cant avoided.. alwaysl injured unsually.. the person kick the ball while i wanted to pick up.. resulted injured finger.. that finger already injured 4-5 times.. think sooner or later got side effect le.. then after that got sun burn as today dont know why no rain at all.. really purposely.. at night play so shiok got rain.. at day play so good got way too sunny... think everythings in wrong way.. then my small brother got into fever.. quite high. 38.4 degree.. cant believe.. he everyday stay at home play game. how could he possiblity sick? but well. unsual seem to be a daily life style... so if its related to me i not surprise at all.. but my brother.. quite strange.. maybe because he my brother... thats why.. feel like i caused him that.. well. didnt took care of him well as the sun burn and the extreme exercise caused me whole day lie on bed too.. but at night i tried.. just feel hurt seeing him that.. haiz... just hope everything back to normal again tomorrow.. my laptop also starting got problem.. just dont know why... haiz... i just hope all this unlucky streak or anythings just gone.. i just want to led a normal life.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:55 PM
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Woot... its over.. haha.. finally the exciting weekend cames.. i dont know why.. but i just very happy.. haha.. maybe because struggle through so many week.. finally got break.. happy.. haha... also got a new fresh haircut.. look more fresher.. haha.. well.. doesnt make alot different.. as long hair suit me.. short hair like baby.. cant blame.. haha.. but now.. what should i do during the weekend? dont know.. haha... just want to relax.. because got to start another struggle next week.. haiz.. anyway hack care!! haha... today nothing much happened.. bought a new thumbdrive and cut hair and thats all... hmm.. boring ehz. ok ba.. stop here.. short post for first time.. haha... good bye.....
Ended the storytelling at -->4:28 PM
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Thursday, January 18, 2007
Pain.. my leg... cramp during my basketball match... and i lost all my momentum.. cant jump cant run.. useless at all.. balme myself for not having warm up before playing... its a habit we didnt warm up and start play.. and since i have nearly 2 month never play.. the more i should warm up... grrr... i so useless... lucky wasnt a serious cramp... but my cramp always need 1-2 day then recovered fully... so sad. cant exercise again... but i guess maybe tomorrow i will recovered... haha... so.. always remember to warm up before playing any agressive actions.. haha... well today nothing much happened.. or maybe.. lets talk about the last lesson i had today.. its a Self learning programme as i said before.. or maybe peer tutoring... well i just hate this type.. its practically useless.. no matter what they say.. i just think is useless.. maybe to me only? i dont know about that.. but alot people have been complaining about that.. okay stop that whining.. actually today is summarising of what we learned previous lessons... then after that we had a test so we could go home early.. well i fall asleep... really very tired already... then wake up test begins.. and dont know why.. this topic i learnt well.. i guess brain mulfunction again... i actually forgot i learnt that... then say jolin didnt touch on that.. she hate being accused and i did that when i also hate being accused.. kind of know what she felt.. she of course very agitated.. scold me.. well my fault.. but luckily after some advice... its triggered my brain to function again... i felt very sorry about it... even thought she shows no anger.. well according to her action.. just know she felt not very happy about it... i promised i know well that.. and i like this.. haiz.. kind of let down.. Sorry here.. if you watching..jolin.. blamed myself drag the project and lazy to function my brain.. geez.. tomorrow is a short day.. and i go have a hair cut after school which i missed during wednesday... so hope everything went well.. haha. okay.. thats all for today.. dismissed.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:09 PM
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Great.. i finished my project.. finally.. struggled and i finally done it.. its pay to be focus.. haha.. do and do and do.. and i finished without realized.. i think its really very good.. lol.. well just very happy i finished my project.. the major problem.. left all the small 1.. easy to settle i guess.. but today didnt went for a haircut due to that... haiz.. my hair is long... haha.. now i jus give a little touchup to finished the whole things and go sleep!! i haven sleep well for the almost whole week.. well.. i brough it upon myself.. cant blame anyone... so tired now... feel like sleeping now.. but i know i do that i doomed.. but relaxing now... but i just feel that my unlucky streak came back again. and its very fierce this time.. i actually lost 2 item in a day.. very very important items and i almost cried.. first is the thumbdrive... its SY not mine.. so lost it its really very bad.. i dont know what to do.. then secondly is my wallet!!! freak.. 100 dollar in it.. i almost cried... and i actually lost my judgement due to that.. i actually suspect my classmates... i really feel ashamed.. when i found it that i lost it at previous class.. the teacher kept it for me.. student found it.. i so grateful TP have such wonderful student.. but hope lesser careless mistaker like me.. haiz... i run up and down and when i founf it... i feel damn happy that actually i felt weak.. think because body in a very tired state and i overwork it by dashing... its really troubles came after each.. luckily.. all turn out to be fine except the thumbdrive.. haiz.. just hope tomorow turn out to be fine too.. cant take any shock now.. after today sleep all the way till friday.. haha... okay stop here for now.. story continue tomorrow.....
Ended the storytelling at -->12:38 AM
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Well.. i really overworked myself.. my body are really tired.. think partially also never exercise for near 2 month cause it... felt very very tired.. concentration getting lower and lower.. brain function slower and slower.. haiz.. blame who? myself.. who tell me always slack then last minutes work.. haiz.. i just cant have that determination mind.. but a mind which just slack off suddenly.. and in the end i found myself in mess... i really need to change that... but now not for that.. i still got major problem.. my IWD.. today actually wanted have group meeting.. and then all got others things to settle.. and so? meeting equal as none.. and now left 1 day.. i cant discuss with them anymore... what i done today shall be it... oh man.. and then teacher actually told me she is busy today.. if not i might already settled.. and now i still have to be troubled by questions... how am i suppose to do... never mind.. i must strive hard.. i cant give up yet.. yes.. just tell myself i can do it and i will!! lol... 1 more things making me feel worried too. is about the IMH visit.. its on next wednesday.. and i actually just found out.. i haven prepared my mind yet and i still in mess.. great.. troubles came in wave.. not the first time experience.. okay i shall not say more now.. got to rush.. see ya.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:36 PM
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actually in past i thought is bugs.. pest.. any small crawling things.. which make me itchy or somethings.. well just learn the phrase but i actually forgot... the word.. haha.. a phobia.. anyway. i found out actually not.. i wont scare bugs which fly past me. and i can touch them and catch them more daring.. still got abit scare. haha.. then thought is height as i fear.. got Acrophobia.. but i overcame it.. then crowd.. as i wont dare to speak.. but not that serious.. haha.. then i realize the truth 1.. its girls.. not phobia.. its just i cant do anythings about it... starting just really scare girl.. till now.. still cant behave the same to guys.. and i became more timid actually.. haiz.. like today.. jolin them what they tell me do.. i did without whining.. because dont know what to say to them... then kanna them play around also blur blur de.. haiz.. also just cant find things to chat.. like just now.. i met huiying.. in bus.. so unlucky i actually no seats to sit.. so long never stand... then she appear beside me.. actually already know it since i saw her every week since this semester started.. then saw her at bus stop.. so wasnt surprise.. its just never expect to be this near this time... classmates for at least 3 year.. but actually we had nothing to chat.. she seem to be very friendly in the greeting and thats all.. and me. i dont know what to do.. and i just feel uncomfortable.. dont know stand how. face where all these.. haiz.. then wanted to start a conversation but dont know how but started accidentally.. my bag hit her.. and she thought i calling her.. lol.. so funny.. but the conversation start but end fast.. and stayed quiet after that.. maybe because she was with other friends thats why.. but actually can guess.. girls are my achilles' heel.. i just feel weird with girls.. brain gone haywired all these.. haiz.. actually i just want them feel comfortable and not bored when with me.. but i dont know what to do.. guys are easier to humor.. i just cared about others and thats me.. haiz.. if you were to say me a fool.. i gladly agreed to that.. well. my female friends are so way little.. guys is like triple or even more time than girls.. actually to think of it.. i might just stay myself.. which is a quiet 1... but.. i just dont know.. but well.. shouldnt troubled by all that now.. works came first now.. haha.. another long story and here shall end.. next time.....
Ended the storytelling at -->8:46 PM
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What a fate.. i keep lose to myself.. just dont know why.. or maybe to the fate.. i guess... i said to myself yesterday... i will do my work.. in the end i cant finish it.. really dont understand... haiz.. then today having the shooting.. in the end cancelled.. i reach tampinese already.. i so sad and blur.. i actually have the sunday planned out.. after the project meet with jiada!! and then what.. cancelled.. and there still way much time.. i dont know do what walk walk here and there then back to causeway point.. then saw taufik.. yeah.. the taufik from singapore idol.. having album autograph session.. but i not interested on it.. i just dont know wha to do.. and i just cant contact jiada... in the end also cancelled.. i so wish want to meet him.. but haiz.. fate does it.. so i so sad.. i must grab chances again. so i will try next time.. a must.. haiz.. then in the end i back to home.. done nothing at all.. then still i keep play game.. so.. i wasted another day.. now the weekend finished.. so how.. i really dont know.. all things all of schedules.. after i planned so much.. i really never met all these stuff before in past.. at least not that worst.. so i really very stress now.. my analysising skill have deproved alot alot.. i actually miscalculated so much... i so doomed now.. but nah.. dont want bothered about all these now.. lets see how fate will do for me.. time for me use it le.. hehe... look like i evil and invincible.. i might lose in the end i dont know.. haha.. but thats me.. haha.. ok le i go see what else i could do so... till then....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:40 PM
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Saturday, January 13, 2007
i having such a determination spirit but dont have the power to use it... haiz.. i so sad.. in the end i only have regrets... like today... i said i will start do my things today.. but in the end.. i wake up at 12 sleep again till 4+.. and then what i do is watch movie... until now i didnt touch on anything at all.. how come i so lazy.. haiz.. i need to get serious.. i dont want what did to goes down to drain... but when will i do it... hope i really have the power to do it.. so late now... i told myself to do it no matter what... so will i do it or not i really dont know.. but anyway i must buck up now.. so cant give up.. my friends around me are getting troubled.. i do hope i got the power to help them.. but they just didnt care about what i really say... i can be their listener.. i just want to help them... just hope they will be fine.. because i myself have been through alot.. i just hope they really know that someone still care them and i really do try to help.. really hope they appreciate.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:13 PM
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feeling way too tired... i actually keep dozing off when discussing the project... well.. today having meeting on our PSPS project together with dennis group... but we lacked 1 member... mc... haiz.. that funny girl sure got alot funny idea that can trigger our creative ideas.. dennis them all 3 jokers surecan think.. so expected them to think finish in 1 hour... but we? they left at 4 we stayed till near 6... actually i and zun zun(1 of my member) are so clever that why we cant think anything? ok la.. dont include me clever.. zun zun which no.1 in class also think so long.. in the end lucky i thought up everything.. phew.. if not 7 also haven go home.. really need that funny girl.. to trigger.. haha... feel very tired.. can keep doze off de.. lol.. dont know she know anot.. haha.. very funny de lehz can fall asleep during talking.. then in bus also knock here and there.. really in a mess... haiz.. lucky nobody i know was at my side... haiz.. i am so tired.. even feeling also.. hard to smile.. haiz.. really dont know what wrong with me.. i feel very frustrated the fact i became lazy again.. i said i need to start serious but again... haiz... well think go play some game to lighten uo myself.. because the coming days i gonna struggle through project.. i guess go out play is impossible already... haiz... signing off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:05 PM
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
well.. today i saw a very annoying scene.. a fighting scene between 2 friends... why annoying? well.. they are friends isnt it? fighting really hurt... i just dont like it... its hard to know each other in this world and fate allowed that.. why allow hurt to be inflicted.. this a stuff which hard to be forgotten.. actually this scene just triggered my past... my really deep past.. who knows it? well only my buddy know that for now... not siangyee... my really closest friend.. but he separated from me le... i really miss him... he not gone from this world.. but moved.. and we no contact anymore.. he wasnt really that good.. but was the first 1 approached me.. well stop talk about bad stuff... actually.. my emotions are still in mess... really haven pick up yet.. cant really be happy.. cant really say i am sad.. just like having void in my heart... today got abit crazy in the makeup lesson... play with them... actually was using them.. to let myself get spirited up... its not that i feel sad with current life.. its just really something missing.. and i dont know what is it..
now always in bus.. or maybe at street.. i always saw girl which i always saw or know.. in unexpected way.. and i dont know what this means.. opportunity? see couple together really envious.. well i not opportunity graber... and i really have no way against girls.. well.. i already very lousy in handling relationship.. dont say others and especially girls.. actually scare girls.. well in past also bullied by girls.. so i scare.. maybe.. anyway.. dont think i suitable in relationship now.. even though mind keep thinking... try to keep clear.. haiz.. i not a saint after all.....
Ended the storytelling at -->8:35 PM
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Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Miracle happened three times?
I dont know what feeling is this... confusing.. well actually got another A for my last core subjct Dfund which i said i might failed.. i told dennis i was really having bad feeling about later getting the paper... but when i get back.. i branded as cheater... as.. i got 44/50.. which second in class and of course.. reverse from what i said... of course.. well. i really get this confused feeling.. not really super happy.. well got happy.. i actually got all As in the end.. but just think is it really luck? or really my effort.. i cant say my effort since i didnt study... then dont want say luck make me like a very stupid person.. in any case just very confused.. but anyway.. i must start work hard.. since i had all this result... i dont want history repeated... must work hard.. but all those project really killing me.. haiz.. stay back late today of course wait siangyee.. but actually doing project.. haiz.. i have been 1 month plus never exercise... my body have been weaken.. really weaken... climb some stair dying liao... really really want to execise... but time just dont allow... haiz.. well for my characteristic... i realize.. i still acting... haiz... conditioned stuff just hard to get rid ehz? habits.. lucky its not inborn abilities... haiz... after my friends leave.. i just cant find the laughter i made previously.. thats the proof.. different person got different personality.. guess learned from psychology.. lesson taught recently.. but then i having different personality in 1 day.. well too bad right? well dont worry.. i not worrying no friends or what.. i am not that sensitive from last time... i learned my lesson.. maybe thats my true personality... unique.. which is having alot personality suited for each scenerio.. well.. love to help people and dont wish them to be bored.. so make myself talkative etc... like this.. but i felt happy not sad like last time... haha.. well maybe people say i am stupid.. but thats unique.. hard to find.. hehe.. thats what i thought. having positive attitudes for everythings now... but some bad side still exist.. i dont want to be perfect since in not saint.. but i want to try minimize... haha... well thats a persist type of me.. hehe.. ok thats all.. hmm.. playing time.... or maybe not.....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:23 PM
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Yikes... i have fever in the middle of night... how i gonna treat myself? haiz.. no help provided at all.. my brother still so heartless watch television... never know how to repay kindness... i last time took care so well.. haiz.. but well. cant blame his characteristic way too different from me.. so disputes always there.. well.. i still dote him.. haiz.. who tell him the only closest relative i had.. even thought hate him.. but that hate just vanish in a moment... haiz... guess there really not hatred in blood... but back to the fever.. its so unlucky... then thought stopped the next day which is sunday.. today appear side effect or somethings else.. and its on the test day... cant believe that... well.. cant expect that i didnt did well in that test for sure.. might even failed... maybe this my first failed in this semester.. so sad... haiz.. quarrel with my brother again... he just dont understand what i thought for him... laptop is for important uses.. not for playing.. he took playing way too serious than his life.. i really regret let him touch this game.. he dont even listen to my mom words.. really rebellious... want to beat him but will hurt my mom feelings.. just for a stupid online game... at school lesson wanted passwords... he said for project.. but i know his true motive.. games... project is second to him.. i back home.. to realize its isnt a project which need hours... few minutes will do.. and he forced me to give him passwords... while i was in lesson... haiz.. then when i watching television.. relaxing and wait for all shows finish and start my work.. so didnt use laptop.. and he again want to use.. just for some game again... i told him i gonna use it so dont wish to open again.. he just angry for that reason... and of course i really dont like his attidudes.. for asking the games.. thats the primary reason... then scold and mumbering some words and went out... then awhile come back ask to play again... scold people and mumber thought all nothing? i heard it.. break my heart and he just thought.. i cant believe that... of course i reject again.. he say just open only.. leave it there... come on i not saint... my concentration i know it... its way too low... if can be higher i wont be that troubled... do a hour become 3-4 hours... just keep distracted.. so i know open a game there not only for nothing.. its sure does damage... a brother of 15 years he still doesnt know... and i dote him so much... haiz... and he go complaint to mother... oh my god... thats really break my heart... he just always blame me... he never thought who always let him play game even thought its my turn... and who always let him... he just take everything for granted.. i just hate this characteristic... i of course not perfect... say him scare lose... i also got abit... maybe influenced.. will frustrated over a win or lose... cant believe i ave that.. but thats fact... i not saint as i said.. but i just hope i could curb his playing trance... its way too high level.. lucky for the PC to be spoilt... therefore he cant play much due to my restraint... but i know he blaming me... but just hope he understand it in future.. well worry here and there i really will go crazy.. personal stuff.. home stuff... school stuffs... i really hope i can quit to be listener and be a complainer for just 1 time... craving for that 1 time.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:18 PM
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Haha... cant believe actually somethings amazing happened... my test paper IWD and ESFAC i actually get it distinction!! oh my... cant believe.. i always just pray to be passed... i will be glad.. but then amazingly IWD i got distinction... 40/50... actually just barely distinction.. but its out of my expectation.. i so happy.. then for esfac.. i knew i done badly.. so hope for pass only.. then when the teacher let us see the result.. i saw on the list around my register first.. just make sure i pass.. all around my register passed.. but got 1 mark is 42.. then i see properly thinking not mine is actually mine!! woot... i really damn happy.. i didnt know i will did that well.. maybe starting to get serious helped... haha.. i really very happy... haha... but for the last paper... DFUND... i really hope its can pass... actually all these paper... except Emath... the rest is actually study abit only.. lucky.. thats why i said miracles on miracles... well.. nothing is lucky when came to this things.. so is i did it.. better have confidence on me... but still pray for pass in Dfund will make me happy.. of course if distinction i sure jump up!! haha... well actually nothing else to blog just to spread my good result news aloud.. haha.. i have so long never contribute myself in study... since sec 3.... now must get serious.. then can le... haha... hope so... hehe... well thats all for today.....
Ended the storytelling at -->8:48 PM
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Wednesday, January 03, 2007
haiz... this recently dont know why all past sickness all appeared suddenly... feeling terrible... coughing, flu, having breathing difficutly.. feel so bad... dont know is it this recently never sleep or something related to that cause it... haiz... of course with all this my body also appear to be very tired... feel want to go see doctor.. but i think i shouldnt try spend this money.. well.. i know health important than wealth... but i just dont want to be adsent from school.. well.. i dont want my team to be in trouble when i not there.. seeing my member keep disappear.. i just feel cant run away too... well.. so hope this sickness wont get serious... today life nothing much... math paper get back.. felt okay since i get 90/100 but well.. due to careless mistake.. but actually its funny... i predicted 90/100 because i sure last question wrong.. but in the end i get in right... but still 90 because careless.. well i always like this.. never serious... then end up careless.. also because too rush.. i spent 15 mins finish it.. then leave... deserve it haha... well.. actually now my characteristic... i think its on depend what kind of people i facing.. like in poly friends.. i happened to be very quiet.. and i felt good.. because lazy to speak? haha dont know.. but with siangyee.. i like to joke with him.. because he actually a quiet 'solo' person.. hope not to make him bored when in bus.. so make a funny jokes.. but actually we 2 crapper.. all kind of lame stuffs we can talk about.. damn lame sia.. if people heard our conversation... surely thought we 'siao' haha... but thats what buddy will do? but really cant consider yet as we not that level yet... but i dont know how he think so shouldnt jump to conclusion.. haha.. well the true me... i still really cant remember... hope i can trigger it.. all my emotion look like 'cultivated' kind.. funny ehz.. haha... welll maybe thats really me i also dont know... but anyway... i really need to catch a sleep.. as my member told me everything have actually done.. i was glad actually... i really very very tired... been a week never sleep well.. thanks to him.. actually our classmates hate him... actually its not very good as everyone got its own unique way in interaction or characteristic.. well i not very sure about that but thats how i feel.. but i actually can really get the good points from him... not really as what they said.. actually i said that because in past i got this treatment too... everyone hate me because i a weakling... lucky when sec 3.. i turn to be strong... but still peple hate me.. so kind of feel sad.. so... yup thats what i think... dont know am i wrong about it anot.. but well should goes along your heart.. and i felt happy.... hehe... ahh.. really need to sleep le.. so good night.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:59 PM
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Well.. dont know why i always in such tough circumstances to go through... well even though now.. i start to look everything in other way now.. thats what i think now.. homework.. stress.. relationship... ya ya.. every trivial stuff.. haha.. thats funny to me.. but i really need to get my brain start working now.. since my brain have been half operated from the O level onward.. actually slept in exam already quite ashame.. then i thought go into poly means slack.. then never really operate my brain... what a shameful thoughts.. so.. well.. i passed... but not a expected grade.. so laugh.. since i know i not hardworking... but whether brain can go for long road must depend le.. not a guy love to crack brain after all.. haha... recently a person which i not really sure i know him in past anot.. he keep tagging in my board.. well should be happy... but what he tagging really criticising... okay i agree i am wrong in past.. i trying to turn over but he like depriving.. dont know why.. but he seem to be really hate me.. even i apologise to him.. he said more criticising stuffs.. really force me say harsh things too... i not a person who like to argue... because i usually talk when i needed.. so lesser in violent part and harsh words.. so maybe i just cant talk win him... but look in other way... he make me realize that there is also got people who are ignorant about what happening in present... and so talk and talk and talk... almost like 1 of my friends... so i actually thought its him.. welll another apologise... since you and me are kind of jumpy to conclusion.. except i cant be harsh.. well maybe life goes better with odds? i dont know.. what i know now is i still struggling in projects!!! so i guess i have to go.. bye.....
Ended the storytelling at -->1:16 AM
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Enlightment.. and Happy New Year!!
Well... maybe due to too emotional breakdown... i fall sick.. having fever and serious sore throat.. ya.. think of it.. i just really a fool... i dont know why... maybe i just mad.. or maybe the scenerio triggered my past... make me mad... i just got this same feeling in past.. maybe thats the case.. well.. not here to blame anyone but myself.. but i had really some serious thought well sickness... i really did tried to ignore everythings... but i cant.. dont feel like talking to my brother.. buts how hard i try... i still replied.. i just dont want him to be sad because i ignored him... to dote him i guess.. he my only brother after all even though he dont know me.. hope he grown up to be a real man.. thats all.. and for friends.. i really tried to give up.. but no matter how cold i am.. i act warm and friendly to my other friends.. its seem the importance of these relationship in my heart are way too importance that i cant give up anymore... ya... now i know.. if the world give up on me... as long as i dont give up myself.. then i still got hopes..thats the importance.. ya.. through 3 days then make me realize. ya ya.. really a fool.. i here to apologise to xiao_lusty or who ever is it... shouldnt blame you and shouldnt say you dont understand me. because i am the 1 who forbid people understand me in the first place.. i should be the 1 trigger relationship.. i hide my true emotion maybe because if they know. they wont be so friendly to me.. but actually thats my thinking to them.. people arent what i thinking right? my heart still support my feeling... and i should go along with my heart and soul.. maybe from this moment.. i tried to be my trueself.. acting wont give you the true realtionship as its fake in the first place.. ya really stupid me... its really funny that i down in moment realize in after a few days.. and after so much down and up.. then i now then realize... be brave and do what you want... ya thats the spirit.. saying to myself =X haha.. but 1 things is truth... i really a different person when in cyber world and real life.. thats what i think.. because i saying things which truly came from my heart during in cyber world... joking or anything... well in real life.. i being a joker as i wanted to act.. its not from my heart... so is it really i got 2 personality? while maybe thats make me special... really very sorry to everyone.. i been into so many up and down.. shouldnt be so wilful now... haha... here my apologise... but i cant confirm whether i will be down again and gone mad... i dont know about that.. but please understand.. maybe.. haha.....
Ended the storytelling at -->1:58 PM
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