Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Hi blog,
Today such a waste of time. Went for a quiz which weighted just 5% -.- I still sleep in the tutorial for 1 and a 40 mins. Wa lao.. Why i always have thing which totally not worth for me to do. =D
Okay la.. For goodness sake, i am a student here complaining the school. Haha.. Crazy le la, dont know because is all the stress or because i completing most of the work. I just feel lightened =D Why stress also can make me lightened? Cause its drive me crazy and after i crazy i will be happy =D
Okay le la, i stop my nonsense here.. XD
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:01 PM
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Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Hi blog,
These few days dont know whats wrong with my gastric. Is it punishing me? I keep having gastric pain from time to time. Its been torturing me like hell..
Haiz.. I wanted to blog out what happened these few days, but i still feel not well to blog nicely. So just briefly say out what happening.
Being dragged by Reeve to Bugis and we walk and walk and walk till its 10.10pm then went home. Its long story so dont really feel like saying it all. But when going back, the gastric really killing me (thats the reason for not blogging yesterday) Haiz..
Today also, gastric really killing me. What so bad? Its when i having quiz >.< Haiz.. Feel so tired liao la.. Cant blog anymore.. Sorry >.<
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:04 PM
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Hi blog,
Haiz.. I hate this title, but I just cant ignore it as its always appeared!! >.< Today went out to study again with Dennis. But cause he got something cropped up, he need to leave earlier. Haiz..
Studied abit only and we went back home le. I went to Popular walk and was determined to do something for my family and friends =D
I bought a book at Popular (Thats a hint =X) Then I walked around then went home le. So tired. Nothing much to blog liao, so thats all =D
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->6:58 PM
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Hi blog,
Today is a well-spent day.. =D Went to RP to do project with Dennis and I finished mine. So happy, MCT is what everyone dread of but i finished by using 2 weeks time which in total of 3 days. Wee~ Not hao lian la.. Just feel really fortunate that I am talented in this module.
"Dont worry Dennis.. I will help you get A too for this!!" =D
So tired actually, but still wanna blog. At least 1 big burden dropped off. Tomorrow meeting him again to study for my BCS. Wished me good luck =D
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->1:10 AM
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Hi blog,
Today went to T3 again =D With Dennis, Layteng and Yvonne =D Such madness, we at there do alot lame stuffs. I was thought its going to be boring at first since i went before I know how its look like. But well, things doesnt seem to go that way. Its SO FUN!! Haha..
At first, we should be going TopTable to eat, but stella not obeying the Dress Code for that restaurant. Too bad, we got to cancel and changed to next week. Went to SugarLoaf eat dessert. Nice sia, but i dont like to sit outside >.< Just nice the seats were full inside. Saw HuiYing busy so didnt disturbed her. Nice!! The dessert that worth the money haha..
Went to TM to eat pizza hut. Wa kao, Eat pizza still can do alot crappy stuffs. Haha.. Went to T3 afterward by MRT. Its good I bought camera, i captured alot of nice stuffs!! Hehe.. Played alot, super crazy.. Haha.. After all the fun, we went to Popeye to rest and chit chat. 6.30 leave, just nice my bus came which required me to chase for it -.- Sadness, separated with them so fast. Haha..
But i will remember these days cause i got the photos =D Hehe..
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:17 PM
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Thursday, January 24, 2008
Hi blog,
Sorry ahz, missing for 2 days. I have my fun yesterday and had my pain today. Haiz..
Yesterday went out with Dennis and layteng to AMK hub. Reason is because layteng want to buy her stuff which she think only AMK Hub sold the cheapest. But in the end we didnt even find it. Thats sad, then our after activities is Pool!! Cause I suggested it. Hehe.. Then we have lots of fun at there. Laugh like siao.. Too mad le. Mad until i also dont know how to put that Madness into words.. Haha..
Today ahz, stayed back to do project, after finished i suddenly Stomach pain!! Pain like hell >.< But I feel happy.. Cause i got friends like layteng and Dennis.. So good.. haha.. But really pain sia, no strength left. Still need to go NSC to buy my medicine cause run out haiz. But lucky when i reached bus stop the 518 reached too. First time sia..
Wanted my big bro to fetch me home cause I really having difficulties, got laptop, heavy bag included my medicine. Almost died sia, luckily i still can walk to bus stop and sleep all the way. By the time i reached home, I am back to normal =D Haha.. but my skin doesnt.. Haiz.. Never mind, tomorrow is another fun day =D Hehe..
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:34 PM
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Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Hi blog,
Today ahz, i walked all over the Causeway Point to find 1 Water bottle i like last time. But because that time dont have the feeling to buy it. Now want it dont have le >.< Lol.. I also dont know what to blog so typed what I so sianz about. But i bought a hairspray which meant for after wax use. Not a wasted trip =D
Today nothing much happened ahz. Bored... Suanz liao, I like this crap on just waste you all de time. Haha.. So thats all..
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:47 PM
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Hi blog,
Today ahz.. Super rush sia, I keep just rushing from places to places. Being dragged from Lecture theater to Canteen. From NSC to School then from School to NSC. Lol.. Full of 'rush' =D
Today was late for the lunch date with my Gang. All because that stupid clinic actually let me waited for 1 hour >.< Haiz.. Sad case.. Reached school by 12.15 still can enter the wrong Lecture Theater. Super funny, just because i saw yvonne they all then I though I entered the right place cause classmates ma. Lol.. Anyway, I went to the same canteen 3 times in a day -.- First is I reached school, thristy then went to buy a drink. Second is I too hungry and i dragged Layteng to accompany me eat =D Then third time is Yvonne dragged me out cause i being threatened by a 5 bucks stolen by Layteng >.<
Then i rush to NSC to meet my cousin HweePing. Lol.. Cause I promised to meet her after our appointment but always our appointment on the same day but totally different time. So this time must meet up. So I tell her to wait and I rushed there.
"The stupid 518 ahz.. When I dont need you, you keep appeared. When I need you, i got to wait more than 20mins. GRRRR..."
Meet her at NSC and we walked around the Novena Square2. Chatted alot about school stuffs and life. We separated our routes when we reached MRT station as 1 lived at Serangoon 1 lived at Woodlands. Hope next time can meet up again and have fun like in the Past... Add in my small bro too.. hehe..
So tired now, but i have such a nice days. Hope everyday gonna be like this =D FUN!!
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:40 PM
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Hi blog,
Today is such a funny day. I meet my best buddy in my primary and secondary school life!! I being called Dexter after doing a quiz and we formed a New Gang!! haha.. Funny, isn't it? Lets see whats all about.
Today I wake up at 1pm. Long sleep eh.. Then have my lunch by calling Mac delivery. Its not my idea but big brother, cant help but to follow. But actually is I was tempted by the idea to be exact. Haha.. Anyway, after that I been invited to a conversation with layteng and i bullied her all the way, then i add in Dennis to further the fun =D
So what this gang about? Yup, its made by Us!! Consist of me, layteng and Dennis due to a quiz about cartoon character we should be described to. I got a Dexter, while layteng is Elmo and Dennis is charlie brown. So funny, then i go made our name combination and here the gang... D.E.C!! Cool.. Haha.. I still made a wallpaper for them, not bad ehz.. This heat gonna goes for long i bet. Haha.. Even take priority over our project.
My best buddy, Jiada suddenly asked me out!! I so happily agreed to it and went to meet him for dinner. Aw, he stayed at Sengkang now, so we are "distance-d" Why the meeting? Cause he need to book in to CCK camp by 9 and he decided to eat dinner with me at Causeway point.. Haha.. We spend time talking and talking and walked around the whole place. Met my cousin, Shuling at Sportlink with her mother. Quite surprised as they live at sembawang yet come to woodlands. (Although from Causeway point to Sun Plaza just a 10 mins travel time =X)
Time sure flew fast, its near 8 and i need to send him off. So sad, cause we seldom meet each other. NO.. Its too rare for us to meet each other, so i feel kinda sad. Well, he promised to find me and the rest of the gang too, hope he will =D
Quite sentimental but I will typed it. As when I sent him off to the train. I felt abit sad. I know we still in Singapore, we still got chance to meet. But wouldn't it be nice if we all lived in Woodlands? Attend the same school, played the same activities and go through the same tough ship? I don't need to know so many people, don't need have so much friends.. Just a few these kind of friendship is able for me to say "I have lived my life with the right colour, right storyline and right characters."
1 friends is considered 1 people in my list, 1 best friends is considered 5 friends in my list and 1 buddy is considered 10 friends in my list.. Can I increase the amount of buddy and best friends instead of friends?
Cannot? Too bad.. I gonna aim for the Guinness record holder of having the most BUDDIES!! =D
*Noted Photo Blog updated =D On the T3 trip
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->1:43 AM
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Saturday, January 19, 2008
What's the feeling.. I AM BACK!!!!
Hi blog,
These recently, i been feeling low. Not even a moment I feel happy. I mean truly happy, i guessed I being hurt too much. No.. its should be felt hurt too much. Needless to say, I hurt others too. I just being emotional.
Yesterday I suddenly think that I always cannot do my things right. The ORGCOM project just because I think I could do it right resulted in more trouble to my teammates and cause them in such a mess. I am here to apologise.
Days been different since my breakdown. People who dont know what happened talked to me as usual. Those who know about it have cut down their conversation with me.
Today went out with my motorola colleagues. From how they treat me, I am a funny and quiet guy, a person full of jokes and mischief but can be very quiet suddenly with different expression from 1 moment to another.
Thats not only what i experienced from or heard it. Every friends treat as that kind of person. Actually come to think of it, I never tried to be sad infront of them and I never failed to make people laugh. I am a happy-go-lucky people in everyone eyes. That what I acted up outside.
But dont know why, I actually break down infront of my classmates these recently. Due to that, I recieved different treatments now. Not that they avoiding me or what. I guessed they scared of making me sad again. They are more concerned about my feelings here and there. Its not wrong for them to be so caring, but thats not what I want.
I want to be back to cheerful again. Make me feel useful, make me feel comfortable. I dont want to be in an awkward situation.
I suddenly remembered the reason why I breakdown.. Cause I think too much, I thought of being treated differently cause of my characteristic. Due to that I keep trying to change my characteristic. Change until I being paranoid, being weird and been sad since then.
Now I know what I truly am. I really a happy-go-lucky person, I am really good at crapping, I am a daredevils but hate being embarassed. You can be lame with me and I can be more lame than you, thats what I used to do when people wanna get lame with me but I liked it =D. Dont like noises, dont like being in a crowded place and like to be quiet if you are quiet too.. those are what introvert sides I having.
If wanna say about my strengths, I am very good at thinking, but think too much is my weakness but also can strength cause I could also think of every pros and cons. Being sensitive can be good too cause I am able to show the care you could want to but bad at showing my concerns, thats my Bad. Being a positive thinker, could always think of the bright side in bad situation but being in an unconfidence state cause me being negative. Can tell me be a listener and tell me do advisor but dont ask me how to do bad things. Cant cheat but can lie =D Honest wor..
Weakness, i dont wanna say cause who wanna talked about it =X I can post on the profile that is if you really want to know but if you know it must go do something about it thats the rule =D
I actually have a strong mind. Everytime I lose myself, I can get back to the track as fast as possible and learnt the lesson within. This time is just another round of testing and I wanna tell you I passed =D I does not have a weak heart cause if I have, I shouldnt be what I am now and then.
Wonder why I can suddenly think straight? Thanks to that 16hrs of sleep i get yesterday. My brain functioned back I guessed. What I really want to express here is, dont treat me what you think you should treat me. Treat me the way I present myself naturally in the first place. Best is you treat me as what I said in this post =D
I will be updating the profile again so its not so outdated =D Please hor, dont bully me cause you gonna suffer. I am stronger than before now =D
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:01 PM
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Thursday, January 17, 2008
Hi blog,
Ahh.. Now is a period where all project come to a due date and where extra quizes come in. So hate it!! Sianz, make me have no more mood to study. So tired, dont know which 1 to do now and which 1 still got the time to do.
Haiz.. Today stayed at school till 6 to wait that slowpoke again. But I did my project too in the meanwhile. So tired but sianz too. Sianz, i dont have the motivation to start my engine now. Tomorrow need to start do my MCT. Everything need to start now.
Haiz.. Just hope tomorrow all can be smooth. Then i might being ignited. A probability wor.. =D
Oh ya.. Happy birthday to Justine =D xxth le wor... Lol.. Older liao =X
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:54 PM
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Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Hi blog,
I today almost cross the line. I almost gone bonker just because of a stupid hiccups. But I being pulled back cause of my caring friends. Haiz.. The stupid thinking of jinx came back again. Think the 'black cat' really cant get off from my head. The stupid things that caused me like this I really dont wanna say much liao cause its just stupid.
Anyway i was so angry and so sad about my fate that i actually wanna be alone. Then i ran away from my friends and hide at a place where got bench at second floor. Why i choose that place cause its surrounded by pillars and tall grass. Its like a miniatured park and because of that i cant be discovered that easily. Second reason is because I walked till that area then suffered from serious stomach ache. Maybe due to in anger i just gope down 1 coke in 1 shot. Haiz..
While i was resting, Zun zun saw me. Cause she a myanmar and she always very innocent de. Make me cant make a angry face at her or ignored her. But resulted in lighten my mood just abit. But while i still submerged with my feeling and with the stomach ache. Its was a total disaster, totally beat up and i go sleep. Then when i woke up, i saw layteng le. I guess i get her too worried le until she went around to look for me. I feel so sorry then feeling sad now. Then i told her i feeling okay le, just because i stomach pain so cant move. But I guess i am a bad liar, she saw through it. She actually went to bought bread and a warm water for me. She accompanied me till i finished our project. Poor her, so sick liao still accompanied me. I feel so guilty that i feel no longer sad.
I was surrounded by so many good friends. So i was useful after all. I dont know why, now i feel much confidence. Even if i sad, i got people to go look for. Thanks to all my friends who been giving me supports and especially got people like layteng, yvonne and dennis. We 4 are the best liao...
Today must thanks layteng for doing so much for me. Next time feel sad feel free to find me too. I will do as much as what you did for me in double rate. =D
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->7:59 PM
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Hi blog,
So boring now. Lol.. I also dont know why i said that, but just feel like saying it. I guess i really been slacking way too hard. When deadline coming i still feel so relaxed. Haha..
Today dont know what days, i actually met up with people which i didnt see them for the whole semester. I met Janine at the bus stop when i was so bored and wanted to go TM walk walk. Cause i need to wait that slowpoke siangyee =X So surprised but not just me, she was surprised too. The "crazy"(said that in Chinese) girl =D Haha.. Thats what i most impressed of. Can keep made people laugh de, so cheerful. Be with her can lighten up anyone day. (Not exaggerating hor? Janine you well deserved that =D)
Went to TM after sending her off at interchange. Bored again >.< Walk and walk and walk. Cannot la, die also cannot stay alone. Can die de >.< Went back to school and met Chariot. The girl which have been missing for 1 year since she entered TP.. No.. Its since when i quited that fund raising job. Lol.. So both friends are from that company and we met up today.
I just feel happy to meet friends, cause i dont like the feeling of distance. I mean the bond, well just dont feel good.
Oh ya, something about study. I actually went to find my Careperson Mr Lim. Cause he actually wanted me to take up his project as my Final Year project cause he need a programmer and I just nice is the programming talented kind. So well, but after speak with him with my going-to-be teammates. I found out its seem easy but not. Even me also not very confidence but i got a feeling i can do it right and secured an A cause as long we can complete this project. The quality is not the factor cause this project belonged to difficult level.
But i more worried about my teammates cause they not going to be the same. I bet they suffering if i choose this. Then i was like forcing them to take the project. So when i decided to say not going to take this project anymore, they told me to take it. So am i right actually to let them suffer with me? I think i not considering the facts that i am able they not. They keep think they will dragged me down, but i keep assured them wont. But i didnt cared about their feelings. Such a failure and they actually accomodate me by saying yes. I suddenly feel so bad about it. I being scolded crazy for that thinking >.< So is it i worried too much or i actually thinking in the right way? Haiz..
Haha.. Anyway wish me luck then =D
Tomorrow going to be a slack day again.. So sianz >.<
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->11:32 PM
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Hi blog,
Woot.. I finally finished my blog skin with 2 days of non-sleeping. >.< Too enthusiastic le. Maybe because i don't like left thing done halfway. Well, my habit..
Anyway so tired now la. Anything need to change must tell me, cause I still have the mood. Dont wait till distinguished le then tell me. Lol..
Yesterday played basketball, lol. Nice timing sia, done my skin and the first post on it just nice is basketball too =D Okay la, I regained my confidence i supposed. I was more daring yesterday, although starting shooting not good cause lack of practices since I been missing from the court for long. But I finally can try out the dribbling and layup. Good news =D I must slowly not only regain but increase my confidence also the Focus level. Otherwise I gonna stuck in this state permanently =D
Too tired le la, so i decided to stop here. Give comments!! ^^
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->2:10 PM
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Hi blog,
Haiz.. I really over sensitive sia. Luckily not what i though so =D So happy. Haha.. Guess because what happened to me make me more and more paranoid. Today went for a short window shopping with them. So everything turned out to be fine.
Hmm.. I so happy when i wanted to blog this that i forgot what i want to type afterward -.- Haha.. Never mind, 1 day never blog about my happening is okay de ma =D
Oh.. 1 thing to let you all know beforehand, i keep no time change my blogskin. So must be patience ^^ Sorry about that, guess you all already sicked of seeing that emo pic le. I will change de, dont worry about that.
Stopped here le..
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->5:37 PM
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Thursday, January 10, 2008
Hi blog,
Since i came back from the 'depression'. Days are quite okay, but i could feel something gone. Dont know its because is i think too much again or whatever it is.
For my secondary school friends, things are still normal. Guess because they know nothing at all. But mostly is i guess they know but dont know how to react. But polytechnic friends different le, they like treating me more and more coldly. Not to that extend that wont talk or avoid. But its very different between before and after. They wont talk to me much anymore.. Of course, i mean its like they see me they just say Hi and nothing more. In past they will chat with me alot or joke with me. But no more le.
Especially 1 of my friend. Used to chat or disturb me when saw me, but whenever i with that person these recently. That person seem to remain a distance between me and not much of chatting anymore. Even took bus also not like going to chat with me and still required me to stick closely and force myself to like start something to talk. Maybe that person really tired, but whenever ask something not related to school i never get the answer and still can walk fast like escaping or what. Even we 2 online that person no longer chat with me since that incident.
I really hope is i imagined too much. But if not that case.. Means they dont like weakling. A people like me which are so easily emotional affected. I dont know why.. All the sad feeling came back again. I am here trying my best to fit in the image i and everyone feel comfortable with yet being demoralized.
Just hope that its me imagined too much. I really cant take it if these continued for few more days...
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->8:40 PM
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Hi blog,
Today was a fine day. Since i start to be happy again must be a fine day. But guess its abit over. What i mean, today abit noisy. Maybe due to trying to adjust the noise level that normally should have. But still not that easy. Well, its not something that can be done that easy i guess.
Today got funny lab session at security. We got to play with security system and i totally dont know what i doing -.- And the strobe light and alarm super noisy. Keep sounded, make me like a thief sia. Then the 'di di di' like a C4 timer bomb since got the alarm. Make me so tensed up. Lol.. But still a funny experience. Oh ya. good news sia, i scored a full mark for my security =D Thats should be what my interested subject should scored.. Haha..
i scored 36/40 for my MCT sia, top in class. So happy, but because its my strongest subject yet didnt get full mark sp still not really that super happy but i am satisfied =D
Okay le la, actually scored not bad for term test liao. Really think too much, must be brave now. My path to a better self are still going to be long...
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->9:17 PM
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Cleared.. Sunshine is back...
Hi blog,
Feel better today. After hanged out with 2 best friends of my life in 2 different timing. 1 is siangyee and well.. another shall remained as mystery. Unless i was allowed to say.
Today early went for treatment, then went to school. But skipped the first lecture yet staying outside. Cause still feeling so low that i scared they talked to me yet i cant reply well.
After the school, i feel so low that i really need to confide to someone yet dont know who to find. Then my mind flashed out that person. But dont have the courage to ask. Then a sms came to say goodbye. So since that person smsed me, i used that chance to request to meet. Actually i was surprised i walked over to the other side of the bridge instead of my usual bus stop. My brain actually telling me not to go home now.
Meet up le we went to buy bubble tea and i was brought to a residential corner. Actually the whole time i was talking nonsense and i dont even know what i talking about. I can feel that still got something bottled up in my mind. But i dont know what is it. I just cant speak up the truth even worse what i still though i being schematic just because i walked over to other side of the bus stop.
Maybe why i wanted a person to be with that time not to confide but just a presence i can feel. Maybe the lonely feel is because i cant sense presence even if a person right infront of me. I lost the sense of life. I wanted to show out my weak side and not a acted strong side. Guess thats made me calm till now.
To that person: "Sorry for asking for your time and yet letting you listened my nonsenses. I guess nothing made sense. I guess i just over exaggerated my feelings. Yup, i not a failure, i not a loser. I just lost my path. Think too much still is my characteristic, but dont worry. Its going to be in a tactical way instead of feelings. By the way, i said i am schematic people, i think i really crazy =P"
Since i lost my path what should i do? Just build a new path. Yup.. No more losing confidence, my confidence level is very low already cant let it lower anymore. Determination, guess need friends helps, by keep pushing me. Motivation, i will try to get motivated. Lastly, focus.. Cant sia.. My brain way too 'advanced'. But its a talent, since i able to do that, i just honed that abilities. Ya.. Easier to be said than done. But thats what my goal now. And always my principle, never break promise, never break my words.. =D
"If i ever lost.. Please guide me back. I not a strong person after all..."
Went to causeway point with siangyee to further lighten up my feelings. I fully though out now after hanged out with him. I not a quiet person after all, its true i dont like to talk. But since i got the abilities to bring laughter, i will talk cause.. I want to laugh too =D But cheeky smile still not my type. Haha.. What i mean is although i like silence, its a silence which i could heard my friends laughter and nothing else. If no laughter, i feel so bad. But i really bad at starting conversation but best at add in words to spice up the atmosphere. So i am a silent crapper =X
This is what i find out after i keep joke with siangyee. Ya, i being quiet its normal cause i usually quiet yet if didnt add in things, its too abnormal, now i know why. So i do show my quiet side its just i though i act to be noisy already. Thanks to siangyee which so called accidentally lead me to 'enlightenment' =X
So now, if i am quiet talked to me. Cause surely is i wandered in my own dreamland again. I must learnt to control my brain.
Credits to Siangyee and the mystery =D
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->10:32 PM
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Hi blog,
Today went to my mom stall to helped out my mom. Was so tired as i didnt slept due to my stupid thinkings. Keep thinking and think. Yesterday hanged out with derick they all at night, they went to my house at 11 till 1am. All they do is play, yet what i do is think of useless stuffs and keep myself quiet.
Before going out with them, i keep trying to sleep, so to shut my brain off. At least to let me have a peaceful mind just for awhile. But i just cant, every 1 hour interval i will wake up. So what? No choice i on my computer and just listen to music. Then derick asked me out for dinner, so thats how its happened.
Today actually should be going out but due to some stuffs, i need to help out at my mom stall instead. Tiring, i been dragging my tired body around for days. All because i tried to force myself to a completely tire out mood so i have no mood to think. But guess due to my multi-tasked brain. Its futile..
Went home after my big bro take over me. My body no longer can take it, so its such a relieved he came. But yet, once i reached home i cant sleep anymore. How should i do? I need to regain the confidence, i need to have focus. I need to start the engine. All the key words, how should i fill it. Where should i get it. I dont know.
Someone asked me: "Dont you think our life is so contradicting. Once you can face a person with a smile, in the next moment with anger." I told that person "We do have adnormal times and thats how we functioned. Whats important is we doesnt lose anything even if we regret. Isnt that important?"
Someone asked me: "Do you ever want to win for something no matter its big or small?" I replied: "Yes, i did. I tried to win myself. Cause winning yourself means winning your past. People can beat your past but never your future cause they cant predict anyway =D"
I am able to help others while they in trouble, but why i cant helped myself. People said i am very reliable, i can be a very good listener and advisor. I lived the life which people cant do it. I lived my life with honour and pride cause i am able to do it.
I told myself with so many reasons. Yet my brain just couldnt accept the reasoning and said i just escaping. I am too weak afterall. Loser... So what they said, always turned out to be opposite. Argh.. Lets end it with 1 sarcastic sentence..
I just acting for sympathy...
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->7:41 PM
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Saturday, January 05, 2008
Hi blog,
Sorry for not blogging these few days. Was suffering abit of depression these few days. I just dont know why, i keep think of useless stuffs again. I said i was a failure in basketball, and until now i cant shake off the feeling. When i played, i dont know what should i do. Score or pass? In the end i just lose my cool and anyhow dribble. I know my dribbling skill, yet when i did it, i just restrained myself from doing. In the end, we lose. Failure isnt it?
I wanna talk about it to others, but who? Surely not huat. Except leong, the rest will just laugh at it. Nobody will give their serious comments. So i talked to leong about it. He is right? Nobody will laugh when i did badly. But just i cant figured out, and i still trapped in failure thinking. Badly affect my performance. I guess what i need is confidence. Janine also said that before. Am i too useless, i just keep think that.
Even in friendship, just a common chatting, yet i cant find a nice topic to chat off. I dont want let people think i am a boring person. Yet i still like to be quiet. These few days i been real quiet, cause i scare i talk something bored or what. I dont know how to explain. I just dont know what to say when facing friends. I just like to stand beside listened to dennis's jokes or whoever said that. I dont want to forged a fake smile and try to say something which sooner or later turned to sad face.
I know i thinking useless stuffs. But really, i think i really need to loose myself, need to let myself laugh as much as possible, rethink my personality. I know i am a lousy friends to be thats why no much people regard me as best friends.
To make myself from thinking so much, i guess i over strained my body. In basketball, i repeatly shoot and shoot after the lights are off. Resulted in sprained foots.
In badminton, i keep run and run just to tire out my body to keep myself from thinking useless stuffs. Yet afterward, the 'depression' came back. That day, though they gonna go someplace to cool down. Yet all said go home. I suddenly feel so alone. Maybe i really not suited to be with them. Cause they arent the same as me. I can go out as late as possible but they cant. We didnt shared the same view maybe due to my secondary school lifestyle. Even in intelligence, i feel i am stupid already. Cause i didnt strive on my own but take others notes to study. I just so lazy isnt it?
Motivation, confidence and focus. These 3 words arent in my life. Who can fill in these words for me?
Let me take a break and think..
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->4:50 PM
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Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Hi blog,
Second day of the year. Been lazy for so long, wonder i could buck up now. Today amazingly i able to wake up in time even if i slept at 4am -.- Is that good news? Means good start? Totally opposite.. Today super blur, blur until dont know what to say..
Forgot lesson got attendence. Actually walked infront to stare at teacher and get a laughing stock from the class. Haiz.. Super sleepy plus feeling weird.. Haiz.. First day of school got this treatment. >.<
Get back 2 paper. BCS and PMNGT, got 39 and 38 respectively. Not bad, higher than my expectation. Stayed back in school to do my project with other group instead my teammates -.- Didnt finished mine but helped them finished theirs.. Sianz.. Maybe going to do later, if not how to teach my members.
Still so tired after blogging, must buck up and do my work later. Cant slack liao right? Sianz.. Still like to do my works with friends..
Fan Logging Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->7:46 AM
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Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Hi blog,
Lucky i manage to catch up the time. To shake off the depression and look into the new year =D Actually i really didnt do anything other than put all my energy into the basketball and my brain just function back normally without thinking too much.
Really, just thinking useless stuffs. But really need to apologise to my friends for my poor time management. Guess at that time still feeling low. i always planned well my timing. So angry that i have a total failure. Tomorrow must go apologise. Haiz..
Okay la.. New year liao.. Post also must short enough. So i could save up more for tomorrow =D Thanks for everyone showing your 'curiosity' to my life. Grateful =D
Fan Signing Off.....
Ended the storytelling at -->3:08 PM
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